A Wish to Grab Happiness

Volume 9, Chapter 221: The Bitterness Crawling on the Tongue

A flickering purple light ran in front of Philos Trait.

To be honest, Philos didn’t know exactly what happened at that moment. She just knew that her captain, who was supposed to be by her side, pushed her away with all his might.

She was thrown away and hit the ground with her shoulder when she fell. Her right hip hurt strangely.

The captain pushed her too violently but in an attempt to save her.

A hot thing sprinkled on Philos’ cheeks the moment she raised her face. It was something hot, with an unpleasant odor. She reflexively wiped it with her finger. Then, she saw something dark red on her slim fingertips.

Perhaps, because of the strong fall, Philos didn’t realize it was blood for a few seconds. Of course, blood spilled on the battlefield. It shouldn’t be that unusual.

However, the droplets of blood fell at Philos’ cheeks and hair one after another. Her white eye looked at where this blood was falling from.

What she saw before her looked like her captain. It was the figure that should not change in any way…Only if the torso and neck were not separated.

The sword that her captain was supposed to have hold in his hand was cut off, and a purple foreign object pierced through his neck instead of his head. For a moment, it seemed a bizarre occurrence to Philos.

The odd object spewed a red liquid without saying anything. Also, Philos’ cheeks and body got dirty. The smell of iron stroked her nostrils.

After a moment, the captain’s body, who had lost his strength and could not move even one fingertip, collapsed on the ground. At the same time, a voice echoed.

「…Listen, Philos’ city soldiers. Your commander collapsed here! If you run away, I won’t slash your back, but you must bring his soldiers together and return to the city!」

Otherwise, I’ll pull out your intestines. Philos saw the face of the human being that echoed such words.

Those eyes were lit with flames brilliantly. The man wore a green military uniform and he was a violent man who distorted fear. It was the vile man named Lugis.

Did he say “Philos’ city soldiers”? Then, he thought that he killed the commander.

Philos understood that much. On the battlefield, he jumped at the captain whom he thought was one of the ultimate enemies. Would it be a mistake to grudge him? However, he ended up killing a Philos’ soldier and close friend.

Depending on the course of the war, she would’ve been the one to be killed first.

She understood it well. However, Philos didn’t want to throw her feelings away, and she couldn’t forgive the man in front of her.

「Wait right there, Lugis… The Lord of Vice, Lugis.」

Philos raised her knees as if she had cramps and forcibly stretched her back. She didn’t know if she emitted a good voice. Ever since she had inherited the name Philos, she felt that her voice had always been full of self-confidence. However, at this time, her voice had become clearly weak and thin.

Fortunately, however, Philos’ voice seemed to have reached Lugis’ ears in the battlefield where barbarism and noise echoed aloud. His terrible and rugged eyes stared at Philos from his horse.

His gaze was shining, but it had sharp eyes that one wouldn’t think of them belonging to a good human being. For a moment, Philos distorted her lips and said to herself if it was really okay to face him directly like this.

「The head of the Autonomous City Corps of Philos is not that fallen man. I, Philos Trait, am the ruler of the city and the head of the autonomy.」

Perhaps, professing her name was not something that she should have done. Regardless of the truth, Lugis said that he would let the city corps escape. Given that the Great Holy Church army may already be approaching, those words were not unbelievable.

Therefore, the right thing to do was to leave this place quietly with the soldiers and return to the autonomous city of Philos. That was probably the best option as a ruler.

However, Philos was not a human being who could escape. The more she thought about being the best ruler, the more she couldn’t help but say something here before stepping away.

She was responsible as the ruler of the city. She couldn’t accept that her captain died here while she survived. She had to make her voice heard, though the ending wasn’t looking very pretty.

The sun illuminated Philos’ glasses. For a moment, Lugis raised his eyebrows and seemed to chew Philos’ words. Philos kept staring at Lugis’ expression, while getting ready to be decapitated immediately.

「If what you’re saying is true, then great. The soldiers are confused, so pull them together properly.」

Lugis spoke as if nothing had happened. Philos opened her eyes and looked attentively at Lugis’ expression. He wasn’t nervous or angry; he had an expression as if he was just saying something that mattered.

In addition, Philos’ mind became confused. No matter what he said, it was not something that one would throw easily at an enemy commander. Or did he find the commander or ruler of the enemy army that useless to the point of ignoring such person? “I was prepared for that and gave my name, but why?”

Slowly, Philos felt something that resembled a thorn mixed with her blood.

「Are you despising me? I’m the ruler of the city of Philos, or am I just a cheap imitation to you…?」

「…Is that so? I hope you can do what I want you to do. Sorry, but there’s no time left.」

“I really don’t matter much to this man named Lugis.” He just pulled the bridle of the horse and disappeared from Philos’ sight. He probably went to cross blades with the Great Holy Church army.

Philos’ cheeks cramped. She even felt her back teeth creaking.

“Did Lugis not believe in my words, or did he think I was a joke? Or maybe there is some other reason I missed.” He stated that he had no intention of being actively hostile to Philos.

But now, in Philos’ heart, there was something that radiated more clearly with heat than anything else.

“…He despised me. He saw me as someone not worth exchanging words with.”

Philos’ head was about to explode. Philos felt her cheeks hot and dyed by the flames of humiliation. Her eyes naturally moistened.

“I never wanted to be despised by anyone, even from the past. This is because a person who is despised and looked down upon is someone weak and easily controlled. It’s not a matter of strength, because those who are despised and looked down upon become fragile beings.”

“Ah, I still remember. My brothers and sisters of the Trait family often despised and ridiculed me because I was an adopted child. This is probably because my adoptive parents treated me like a tumor and often kept me away. How many times have I been humiliated by my brothers and sisters within and out of their sight?”

“They told me to imitate a beggar. I polished their shoes with my bare hands, and they were violent to me for many times. They treated me like a servant.”

“Even so, I thought that if I deepened my friendship, I would be able to become like a true family at some point only by exchanging words. I was thinking about that all the time. After all, I was in the Trait family since I was a baby. I didn’t even know my real parents.”

“…That’s right, until the day when my eldest brother, who was scheduled to succeed the family, tried to touch me when I was about to reach adulthood.”

The truth of Philos’ harsh life burned in her soul. Her white eye had an unbelievable fever. There was no way that she’d be a defeated commander.

“Unforgivable. All the people of the Trait family who once looked down on me died with no regrets. That man too. After all, he didn’t kill me here. He will definitely regret it.”

Pain leaked from her lips, where her teeth bit.

「Listen, Philos’ Autonomous Soldiers…Withdraw! Retrieve the wounded as much as possible! Platoon chief, gather your men together!」

Philos emitted a voice to resonate with the surroundings. The soldiers began to move their exhausted bodies as if they were struck by the dignified appearance of Philos, who was wearing a sheet of blood.

“Now I have no choice but to retire. It is not a situation where we can fight at all, and the reason why the captain pushed himself at the end was probably not to waste my life or my soldiers’ lives.”

“I know that. I clearly know that, and I should be pleased that was overlooked by Lugis since it was my captain’s will. Still, even so, my heart does not accept it.” Philos’ white teeth rang.

*sound of arrows*

Right next to Philos, vigorous arrows made a noise and roared through the sky. The bows and arrows shot from behind Philos belonged to the Great Holy Church army. Philos wondered if the captain of the Great Holy Church army gave up on the collapsed Philos soldiers and sent the archers to annihilate the Heraldic army standing in front of her. This strike was so deadly that it even hit Philos’ city soldiers.

“Both the Heraldic Order and the Great Holy Church are getting on my nerves. Shall I dispose of them now? It’d be much more refreshing.” A ridiculous smile floated in Philos’ face.

Philos repeatedly sent her soldiers a voice of withdrawal, remembering the taste of defeat that felt too bitter on her tongue.

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