Chapter 196 – Cat Dad Takes Taotie’s Master Class
“M-My human form, munya?”
Xiaomao was surprised that they knew about his human transformation. He looked at Undine.
The mermaid let out a short sigh, “Lady Chang’e told them everything in exchange for their services. Look at it on the bright side. We’re now allies, and we shouldn’t be keeping any secret from each other.”
Xiaomao had the urge to refute that they never shared their secrets with him or told him what they were doing. But when Xiaomao recalled that they were big shots, he kept his mouth shut.
“By the way, about your request yesterday, I’ve drafted 100 mermen for you. Their strength is mediocre, though. I hope you won’t use them in combat. Oh, I found you a few combatants, just in case.”
After Undine said that, a hundred game messages appeared and waited for Xiaomao’s approval.
<Merman Worker, Level 759, wishes to join your guild.>
<Merman Spearman, Level 820, wishes to join your guild.>
<Merman Swordsman, Level 799, wishes to join your guild.>
<Merman Worker, Level 745, wishes to join your guild.>
<Merman Shaman, Level 777, wishes to join your guild.>
<Merman Worker, Level 766, wishes to join your guild.>
<Merman Hunter, Level 782, wishes to join your guild.>
<Merman Worker, Level 766, wishes to join your guild.>
<Merman Worker…>
As promised, Undine sent 100 mermen to join Xiaomao’s guild. The cat happily selected the strongest mermen to his guild and return the leftover guys to Undine.
Now that Xiaomao’s guild slots were full, he was ready to join the guild war. The new members’ names were highlighted in a dark green color while the other non-guild mermen’s names were still light green.
“Is there anything else you need?”
“Ah, yes, munya!” Being reminded of other businesses, Xiaomao remembered that he hadn’t given Torrent’s soul to Cernun yet, “Could you pass this over to Lord Cernun, munya? I kinda promised the guy that I would save him, but he ended up like this.”
Xiaomao pulled out Torrent’s soul core from his inventory and gave it to Undine.
Taotie and Mimir looked at the soul orb with interest. They grinned.
“Not too shabby. Is this your new slave, kitty?” Taotie was amused.
“Yes, munya! Is it good?”
“Absolutely,” Mimir laughed. “Having an immortal as your bodyguard is always a good thing. Actually, you remind me of the old days. During my time, promising cultivators and mages couldn’t go anywhere without a team of immortal bodyguards. Talented people died young because immortals or their rivals usually killed them before they could even get stronger. Now that you’re in a similar situation as genies in my old days, you absolutely need several teams of immortal bodyguards.”
Taotie nodded, “That’s why we’re here, right?”
“Precisely. Anyway, are you done, kitty?”
Upon hearing that Taotie and Mimir would become his bodyguards, Xiaomao was excited.
“Ah, for now, munya! By the way, what are those books?”
The old mage and the lion evilly grinned. As for Undine, she quietly excused herself and left with the fairies.
After Undine and the fairies were gone, Taotie explained first.
“My manual is actually my signature ultimate move! Be proud, brat!”
“OH!”
Xiaomao picked up the bamboo scroll and opened it.
However, it was a blank bamboo scroll. There was no item description either.
Xiaomao furrowed his brows and stared at Taotie, “Err, it’s blank, munya.”
“Obviously, it’s blank if you look at it with your avatar, you dumb cat! Revert to your human form first and bring those items to the Divine Theocracy Earth!”
“Eh?!”
Mimir laughed, “Same goes for my books. You can only read it in your world.”
“But how are you going to teach me, munya?!” Xiaomao was confused.
Taotie burst into laughter. He spat out a strand of karma, which latched onto Xiaomao’s left ear. Mimir also did the same, attaching his karma to Xiaomao’s tail.
“What are these, munya?”
“You can treat it as a telephone line or something,” Mimir explained. “Those threads allow us to communicate with you when you’re in another world. You see, we can’t go to that planet with you, or our souls will be destroyed by the Pangu and Nian’s Laws. But if we only use our karma strings to pinpoint your location, we can always communicate.”
Taotie nodded, “That’s how we will teach you those skills. We’ll give you the lecture and advice that you need, and you will have to practice those skills yourself.”
“OH!”
Xiaomao was excited yet again. He repeatedly nodded.
“So, do you want me to return to my world now, munya?”
“Time doesn’t wait for anyone. Now, take these books into your inventory and go back to your world! Chang’e already told you to move to South Cola, right?”
Mimir coughed and corrected Taotie, “South Korea.”
“Whatever. They sound the same. Anyway, make sure nobody is around or stay in a secluded area, away from all civilizations.”
“No problem, munya!”
“Good. Now, go so that we can pinpoint your location in that world.”
Xiaomao collected the scroll and the two books. Then, he switched to his human form.
As usual, Xiaomao’s human form always appeared naked. He quickly put on a priest robe, pants, and shoes while Taotie and Mimir blankly stared at his junk.
No one wanted to believe, believe they even existed.
And when the truth finally dawned; It dawns in fire!
But, there is one they fear.
In their tongue he is Dovahkiin:
DRAGONBORN!
“He’s that man’s son, alright,” Mimir bitterly smiled.
“No doubt. That’s in his blood.”
“What are you talking about?” Xiaomao finished putting on his clothes and looked at the elders.
“Shut it and go! Also, never flash that thing in front of us again!”
“???”
Xiaomao returned to the real world. He found himself on Mount Hallasan on Jeju Island. Last night, he hastily came here and entered the game world while he was on an open field.
Even though it was noon, the mountain was quiet and tranquil. The sound of birds chirping and the breezy wind calmed his mind.
Then, Xiaomao remembered that he hadn’t checked the books yet. He looked around to make sure that nobody was around. Avoiding the tourists, Xiaomao moved away from the hiking pathways and tourist walkways.
After getting away from the national park’s tourist zone, Xiaomao climbed down to a steep cliff, which was far away from the tourist paths. There was nothing green here but moldy brown rocks and slippery cliffs.
Xiaomao brought out an ax and used it as a shovel. He dug into the stone mountain and created a shallow cave, making a shelter for himself.
After a small cave was made, Xiaomao put away the ax and brought out Taotie’s scroll. He blinked several times, wanting to see the item’s detail.
DING
<Synchronization Rate: 70%>
He ended up getting the sync rate report instead of the item’s description,. Not giving up, Xiaomao blinked a few times, hoping to see a game window in the real world instead.
DING
It really appeared!
It was faint, but Xiaomao could see the outline of a square window. Unfortunately, the detail and the menu were transparent and unreadable.
Since Xiaomao was unable to identify the scroll’s detail, he manually read it.
Taotie’s Ultimate Skill Technique
If you can read this, you must be on the Divine Theocracy Earth. Sorry about the complications earlier. Because of Pangu and Nian’s Laws, we can’t simply impart our skills or techniques to any player without a consequence.
Anyway, to the lesson, shall we? This is my proud signature move that earns me the calamity-class title!
Going through the introduction, Xiaomao’s excitement soared. He had goosebumps, wanting to know more.
Then, he read the next line.
LESSON ONE!
First off, look to your right.
Xiaomao looked right. There was nothing but a mud-stone wall. It had a moldy smell as well.
Confused, Xiaomao looked at the scroll again, wondering what the next instruction was.
Stomachs run armies! Before you can get stronger, you must learn how to convert every essence and material around you into energy, AKA FOOD! Now, I want you to eat whatever is on your right side. Grab a handful of it and shove it straight in your mouth! IT DOESN’T MATTER IF IT’S SOMETHING INAPPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN! EAT IT!
“…”
Xiaomao grabbed the scroll and threw it against the cave wall.
WHAT KIND OF ULTIMATE MOVE IS THIS?!
While Xiaomao was in a bad mood, he heard the voice of Taotie in his mind.
‘I wanna test the testies.’
Xiaomao stopped what he was doing and continued listening, hoping to get better instruction.
‘FREAKING HAREM NOVELS ARE OVERRATED!’
“…”
Xiaomao was confused. What was Taotie smoking?
‘Ahem! Don’t mind the outburst. I was exploring the Earth’s internet while I was waiting for you. Anyway, have you read my scroll?’
“Yes. But, are you serious?!”
‘Lesson One, right?’
“YES! Do you know what’s on my right?”
‘I don’t know. Humans? That should be easy, right? A little cannibalistic, but humans are nutritious and delicious! Their fat and meat are already sweet and salty without the seasoning. If you add some spice to them, they would be perfect!’
Xiaomao facepalmed. He regretted taking courses from Taotie.
“Everything is moldy rock and mud, senior.”
‘Oh, that’s even better! You get to train your stomach!’
“… Are you serious?”
‘I’m always serious. Try it. Eat a mouthful of rocks. Don’t worry about your teeth. If they’re broken, come back and I’ll let Mimir heal you.’
“…”
Xiaomao still doubted Taotie. He didn’t know if eating a moldy rock would help.
As Xiaomao reminded himself that nothing in his life made sense anymore, he threw away his logic and dug a handful of soft soil and a few small rocks. He stared at it.
There were some green moldy parts. Also, he accidentally found a small earthworm, which was still wiggling and moving around.
Xiaomao’s face turned dark. He prayed to Allah, Jesus, Buddha, and Exodia. Then, he shoved everything into his mouth.
The weird taste…
The sandy texture…
The rotten smell…
The rough sensation on his tongue…
The thing that wiggled in his mouth…
The unidentified juicy liquid…
DISGUSTING!
Everything was terrible. Xiaomao almost puked. However, he forced himself to swallow everything.
CRUNCH
His teeth battled against the hard rocks. Even though his stats were improved, his gums hurt when the molars slammed against the stones.
While Xiaomao was forcing himself to eat everything in his mouth, he continued reading the scroll.
Now that you’ve eaten the strangest thing that you have ever eaten in your life, it’s time for you to teach your stomach, kidneys, liver, and intestines about the best nutrition source in the universe – FREAKING DIRT AND ROCKS.
Move your Qi from your dantian and gather them in your stomach where the food is! Send your Qi in there and digest the food before your digestive fluid can dissolve them!
Xiaomao widened his eyes. He sat cross-legged and started circulating his remaining Qi inside him.
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