Dysfunctional - An Assassin's Guide to Reincarnating in Another World

Chapter 186 - 185 - High King's Game(Part 2)

The king for round three was Ekai, whose command was rather...vanilla...or so we thought. Specifically, he commanded number seven to do a handstand for five minutes. Number seven turned out to be Selesa, who was wearing a skirt, but didn't even hesitate to accept the command.

What followed was a pretty awkward five minutes as it turned out that she wasn't wearing anything underneath her skirt...everyone was dead silent for those five minutes, unsure of what to say, while the whole thing just seemed to turn her on, her breathing growing heavier and heavier by the second and her face bright red by the end of it.

As soon as the five minutes were up, an unanimous sigh of relief was let out. A handstand, the most nondescript command given so far, and she'd somehow turned it into the dirtiest command so far.

"So, uh...that happened. Moving on," I spoke up with a clap of my hands to break the awkward silence, gesturing to Rai to shuffle again.

Round four's king was Les, and I noticed that he caught a glimpse of Selesa's scrap of paper, a slight, barely noticeable smirk spreading across his lips, which looked all the more ominous since his eyes were red and narrowed.

"Here's my order...number two gets punched by...uh...doesn't matter, anyone will do...so...let's go with number...eleven, I guess."

"Uh...w-wait a sec, little bro, I'm number two, so maybe you want to retract that command or-?"

"No, I don't see any reason to do that."

"H-hey, stop kidding ar-."

"Who's number eleven?" Inquired Les, looking around, a hint of dizziness in his eyes as he turned his head a bit too fast.

"I am," Answered Misen, standing up with a smirk and a crack of his knuckles, "Oh, I'm going to enjoy this...ah, where specifically should I punch her?"

He stumbled a bit, his eyes red...he looks like he's pretty high too.

"Hm...let's go with face," Decided Les, after mulling it over.

His eyes were red too, but he had a pretty high tolerance, so he had his bearings better than most of the others.

"O-okay, this was a funny bit, little bro, b-but the joke's kinda getting old now, w-wouldn't you agree?" She stuttered nervously, as Misen walked over to her, "H-hey, I know that being a dick is kinda your thing and all, but even you wouldn't hit a gir-?"

Before she could finish her sentence, he gave her a kiss right on the lips...with his fist.

"Hm, what was that? I didn't quite catch that," He laughed condescendingly.

"Ow, that really hurt...," Selesa groaned, rubbing her jaw.

Huh, looks like he held back a bit...she wasn't bleeding or anything. Or maybe his coordination is off because he's high. And Les looked a bit guilty...as much as she exasperated him, guess he still had an inkling of a soft spot for her, though he'd probably never admit that. Anyway, Selesa recovered soon enough, so we moved onto the next round, round five. This time, the king was Rion.

"Alright! I haven't gotten to do anything yet, it's about time I get into the game! I order number fourteen to, uh...let's see...ooh, I know, have a staring contest with me!"

Surprisingly boring coming from him...guess he'd been bored all this time since none of the previous orders had included him, and wanted to make sure that he got to do something. But in that case, why not an arm-wrestling contest or something else that'd be more interesting?

"So, who's number fourteen?" Asked Gela, looking around.

"U-um...it's m-me," Said Siert, shakily raising his hand.

"Alrighty then, let's have a good match!"

It wasn't a good match.

Siert flinched the instant it began, losing in less than a second, much to Rion's dismay. He demanded a rematch, which ended even faster than the first attempt.

"I-I'm so sorry, I c-couldn't even last a second," Siert apologized with a miserable expression.

If anyone else had said that, I'd have made the obvious pre-ejac joke about it.

"N-no, it's fine, don't worry about it," Rion replied awkwardly.

Well, that was an anti-climactic yet entertaining round...moving on to round six, the next king was Rai. Had to admit, I was curious to hear what his command would be.

"Hm, let me think...ooh, I got it! Number seven, you go stand up on your hands, and then, number one, you go stand on number seven's feet and balance yourself while raising your arms with your palms open and pointing upwards, and finally, number ten, balance yourself up by your hands on number one's hands! Basically, a three-person tower! Az, could you make the dome taller?"

...talk about elaborate. And while he sounded more than a little stoned, he managed to explain all that relatively well.

"Well, sure, but...," Replied Az, with a look of dismay on his face, "I'm number ten...and I don't wanna do this!"

Unfortunately, when we put it to a vote, the majority voted against his plea to not carry out the command. He grudgingly adjusted the height of the dome, a look of dread on his face.

"Hehe, so who's number one and seven?" Inquired Rai, looking around eagerly.

"I'm number seven," Sighed Key, holding up her scrap of paper while stifling a yawn.

"And I'm one," Added Rex, before adding, "But, uh...it'll be kinda hard for me to prevent my raptor claws from piercing her feet when she stands on my feet...I can't retract them much."

"Hm...oh, I know! Az, encase his claws in smooth, blunt layers of ice!" Suggested Rai, turning to Az.

"I hate you," He grumbled in reply, though he still did it.

"Brr, that's cold, I can feel myself sobering up! Wow, this is more uncomfortable than I thought," Shivered Rex, his feet trembling slightly.

Huh, maybe since he has multiple dinosaur Animas, his blood is colder than an average person's...speaking of which, the Anima extraction and implantation experiments that The Valaque Empire performed used Anima Orbs, which were harmlessly extracted from animals...so, then, Demi-Humans must have some connection to regular animals.

Hey, Lazarus, do you know if animals and Demi-Humans have some kind of connection? And look into my memories regarding the subject of 'Anima Orb implantation' if you want to know why I'm curious about this.

"If you insist, I guess I can continue this later. Also, looking through your past memories is not like a Google search, so you don't need to specify terms or phrases like that."

He's really been checking out my memories involving technology, huh? The way he spoke was slightly different now too, it was...less formal, I think? He was using more contractions now, I'd noticed that all the Vampires I ever encountered never used contractions when they spoke.

So, uh...you said 'continue this later'...were you doing something?

"Oh, yes, I was watching the anime known as Death Not-."

You really like anime, don't you?

"Yes, it's very entertaining! I just began episode twenty-five, I am really intrigued to see how it progresses."

Wait, isn't that the episode when-...well, I won't give him spoilers.

Alright, then, Lazarus, get back to me after you're done looking through the memories I specified.

"Very well."

I was snapped back to reality as the three-person tower collapsed with a splash...predictably, they had lost their balance. Looks like Az had formed a pool of water to break their fall.

"I-it's s-so c-cold...," Rex stuttered while shivering, his teeth chattering and he looked a bit pale.

"That went about as well as I expected," Groaned Key, as water dripped down her hair.

Az then snapped his fingers with a grumpy expression, and in an instant, all three of them were dry. They all looked a lot more sober too.

"Woah, how'd you do that!?" Exclaimed Rex in surprise, the color starting to return to his face.

"I made that water using my Mana...so if I want to, I can undo it completely, it's not that hard," He shrugged in reply, "Well, at least we managed to get it over with."

He sure knew how to make other Water Magic users feel inferior, didn't he.

"Hm, I dunno...I don't think it counts unless you guys held the tower for at least ten seconds or s-...," Began Rai, before trailing off as Az and Key flashed death glares at him, "O-on second thought, it totally counted! Anyway, uh...next is round seven, right? Has anyone not gotten to do anything yet?"

"Yeah, me...but I'm not really complaining," Responded Azeria, raising her hand...she looked pretty relaxed though, she was curled up by the wall of the dome while snuggling her tail, her eyes red and droopy.

Everyone else had either gotten to be king or received an order or both, she was the only one who hadn't been involved in any of the previous six rounds so far. And as we shuffled the scraps again and began the seventh round...she turned out to be the king. Talk about a coincidence.

"With this, everyone's gotten to do at least something!" Remarked Rion, as Azeria began thinking of an order to give.

"Yo, Kuro, light up another round, I'm sobering up over here," Requested Rex, his eyes looking normal now.

He had a pretty strong tolerance, not to mention getting his feet frozen and then falling onto a blob of water, most of the others looked really fucking high though. But you can never be too high, am I right? As I burnt up another handful of buds, Azeria made her decision...

"Okay, number three and number eight, massage my shoulders."

Hm, that's actually a pretty good order...what better way to relax than with a massage?

"I am number eight," Said Ekai, standing up and walking towards her a bit unsteadily...he was the type who got quiet and day-dreamy when he's high.

"Sweet, I'm number three!" Exclaimed Selesa, bounding over to Azeria.

Ekai suddenly stopped with a confused expression.

"Wait, why did I stand up again?"

It took a few seconds for him to figure it out, after which he snapped out of it and walked towards her. The two of them positioned themselves behind Azeria, each assigned to one shoulder.

"A massage...I should have thought have that!" Sighed Rai wistfully, "That was a smart choice, girl-Az."

Huh? Oh, because her name starts with A-Z too...and by the look of it, she definitely didn't like that nickname, and Az looked pretty displeased too.

"I never want to hear anyone call me that ever again."

"But...but then I...I won't be able to call him boy-Az!"

"...I'll drown you, and then I'll freeze your balls off...literally."

"...I was k-kidding."

Azeria suddenly let out a squeal of surprise as Selesa began ruffling her tail.

"Wow, this is so fluffy and soft! And it smells nice too, do you use conditioner on your tail? I wanna bury my face in-!"

"S-stop that!" Stuttered Azeria, pushing her away and glaring at her with her face bright red, "D-don't touch my tail!"

"Aw, man, you're so lucky," Rion said to Selesa, "She never lets anyone get near her tail, I've wanted to touch it for years!"

"Then...I'm the first?" Replied Selesa, before turning to Azeria and adding, "Sorry that your first time wasn't consensual."

She definitely said it that way deliberately.

"Your 'apology' just pisses me off more! Tch, whatever...just get this round over with already," She sighed in exasperation, too high to bother yelling any further.

Ekai and Selesa then began massaging her shoulders, before stopping after a couple of minutes or so.

"So, how did we do?" Inquired Selesa, a confident look on her face.

"Yeah, give us a review!" Added Rai with a grin.

"You sure looked relaxed the whole time," Remarked Rion, reaching over to touch her tail, before she smacked his hand away.

"It was fine, I guess," She responded briefly, letting out a stifled yawn.

"Come on, details! Who was better?" Chimed in Rex.

She was starting to look pretty irritated with the questioning.

"If it'll make all of you shut up, then fine! You were okay," She said to Ekai, before turning to Selesa, "And you...were, um, actually pretty good."

"Hehe, what can I say? I'm good with my hands!"

"Sorry, I have never done this before," Replied Ekai apologetically.

"Huh? No, it's fine, no need to apologize for something like this," She shrugged, a bit awkwardly...yeah, Ekai was so straightforwardly blunt that sometimes it made things a bit awkward.

As we shuffled up the scraps again, Lazarus contacted me...

"I looked into the memories you asked me to. And I do not if there is any real connection between animals and Demi-Humans. You might be interested to know that the animal features of Demi-Humans manifested in the same way they do with present day humans...for instant, if two Demi-Humans with dog-like features were to breed, their offspring could manifest cat-like, or even some type of insect-like, features. Oh, and while some of the current humans do not have any visible Anima mutations, all Demi-Humans had pronounced and clearly noticeable animal-like features, and the majority could adjust the extent of those features...the Retractable Animas of today are a version of that ability."

Well, that doesn't really tell me anything about whether animals and Demi-Humans had a connection, but I guess it's not really that important since The Empire is no longer around to conduct those experiments, it's mainly out of curiosity. Alright, thanks, I'll let you get back to your anime now.

"Hey, doesn't anyone have number four?"

Huh? Oh, crap, I'd been focusing on what Lazarus was saying so I hadn't been paying attention elsewhere. I glanced down at the scrap I'd drawn...yup, it was number four.

"Sorry, that's me...just spaced out for a bit there. What's the order again?" I inquired sheepishly.

Please don't be anything difficult...

"Have an arm-wrestling contest with the king, which is Rex," Explained Ekai, who was absent-mindedly picking at the grass.

Oh...well that's easy enough.

"W-wait, can I pick someone else?" Rex backed away with a nervous expression.

"Chill, I won't use Vampire Mode for something like this," I assured him with a shrug...as I subtly entered Soul-Eater Mode instead.

"Oh, in that case...okay," He responded, though he still had a wary expression on his face.

I used Earth Magic to make a small table for this, and we began arm-wrestling. I'm losing a bit of ground, looks like he's slightly stronger than me at my normal strength...but I'd expected that, which is why I entered Soul-Eater Mode...

"Hey," I remarked, getting his attention, and as soon as he met my gaze..., "Now, I command you to lose."

Yup, I used the Eyes of Compulsion. His arm went limp, allowing me to turn the tables and win.

"Hey, you cheated!"

"Eh, it's not like we set up rules ahead of time, and since I didn't break any rules, I didn't cheat."

"...that's exactly what a cheater would say."

"And that's exactly what a sore loser would say."

Eventually, we realized that an arm-wrestling match wasn't worth arguing about, so we stopped and moved on to round nine...still six more to go after this one, this is taking forever...well, I guess something like this is fine once in a while, so I won't complain. The next king was Key, whose command was that there was no command...huh, guess I wasn't the only one who wanted to get this over with. And so, we moved on. The next king, for round ten, was Misen.

"Number five, kick number twelve as hard as you can."

Rion had to kick Azeria...he was pretty hesitant, and by the time he finally kicked her, he definitely held back...but Misen didn't complain, guess even he had a limit to how much of a dick he could be.

"Sorry, Azzy, did I kick you too hard?"

"No, I barely felt it...stop apologizing, it's annoying," She replied with a stifled yawn...I think she was just too drowsy to have felt it.

With that, we were two thirds of the way done with this game. A few of the others were completely stoned and looked like they wanted to just go to sleep. Only five people were left that hadn't been the king yet, so the other ten first picked out ten of the numbered scraps, before the king and remaining four numbered scraps were shuffled together. And the next king...was me. I wonder what kind of order I should-.

"Kuro, this is bad!" Lazarus suddenly notified me, his tone sounding urgent and almost panicked.

What's the matter? Did you figure something out?

"No, it is just...I cannot believe that they killed L-!"

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