Embers Ad Infinitum

Chapter 508: True Self

In the awkward atmosphere, Shang Jianyao curiously asked, “Doesn’t it hurt?”

“It does.” Phocas didn’t stop lashing himself, and his voice trembled as he spoke. “But the more pain I feel, the more it makes me forget the externalities and past. It makes me see my true self.”

This saying… It feels strange… Which religious organization has this philosophy? First City sure is a lost cause. Many Elders have certain connections with different religions… It’s no wonder that internal conflicts are becoming more and more pronounced… Jiang Baimian deliberated for a moment and purposely asked, “You advocate the true self, not some Kalendaria?”

Piak!

Phocas lashed himself again. “No, Dawn is the true self. The true self is Dawn.”

Another religion that worships February’s Kalendaria, Dawn… Jiang Baimian didn’t equate the organization that General Phocas, Boss Ugo, and the others belonged to with Dawn’s Morning Star. This was because she could tell that there were considerable differences between the two parties from what she had heard so far.

At the very least, in the information provided by Pangu Biology, Morning Star had never mentioned the words ‘true self.’

The Old Task Force members weren’t surprised that General Phocas and Ugo believed in the Kalendaria, Dawn. This was because Ugo had previously shown the ability to influence dreams.

Now, Jiang Baimian and the others finally understood what was going on with the equipment in Ugo’s room. Their philosophy was to torture themselves and find the true self amidst pain.

“I thought you guys valued dreams more.” Shang Jianyao said this.

Long Yuehong thought so too. After all, the Kalendaria—Dawn—was most famous for its ‘dreamscape.’

Phocas ended his lashing and panted. “That’s a common misunderstanding and the wrong path taken by heretics and cultists.”

He threw the whip to the side, picked up a wet towel, and wiped the blood from his body. “Our consciousness will indeed be swallowed by nightmares, and we will become Heartless in reality. But we aren’t just talking about dreamscapes. In our religion, dreams are a wider concept. It refers to the various problems that conceal the true self.”

That’s where the differences lie… That’s how Dawn’s believers explain the Heartless disease… Jiang Baimian didn’t blindly mock the other party’s theory. When she was still worlds away from a conclusion, she couldn’t underestimate any so-called ‘truth.’

Sometimes, the most profound and cruel truth might lie behind absurdity and comical answers.

A rock from another mountain could polish jade—one could improve oneself by accepting external criticism!

Phocas wiped his body and wore his clothes, concealing the many whip marks on his body. “The Mirror Church and the Lost Dream Church believe that the world itself is a dream. In a sense, this isn’t wrong. Otherwise, nightmares wouldn’t have the terrifying ability to devour consciousnesses.”

When mentioning the other Kalendaria believers, this First City general casually mentioned two secret organizations.

“There’s also the Clam Dragon Church.” Shang Jianyao tried fighting for a status for Abbess Zhou and the others.

Phocas glanced at him and continued, “But if they want to use the Kalendaria’s power to wake up from their dreams and enter the New World, they can only be described as stupid. The Kalendaria have long given us the solution and power, but we were blinded by the dream and didn’t realize it. Everyone has the true self in them—the true self is Dawn. As long as you can find your true self inside, you can escape the dream and enter the New World.”

At this point, the lion-like general raised his right hand, clenched it into a fist, and gently rapped the side of his head. “The true self lives forever!”

“Oooh.” Shang Jianyao watched very attentively as if he wanted to memorize General Phocas’s every move.

After Phocas was dressed, Jiang Baimian smiled and asked, “Creating physical pain is your way of finding the true self?”

“Yes.” Phocas nodded slightly. “At every Mass, we talk about how to torture ourselves better. Some prefer dripping wax, some prefer to be pricked by needles, and some constantly summarize the various techniques needed to tie, hang, and whip themselves. Some hope to be tortured by external forces, not by themselves.”

He then said, “Of course, the focus is on torture, not pain. The former involves the latter. Apart from pain, humiliation, and mental torture, the simplest example is that some people attempt to draw strength from the pain of their partners betraying them. Therefore, they take the initiative to create an opportunity to test the other party.”

Your religion is rather indecent… Even with Long Yuehong’s experience, he found it strange.

At this moment, only one sentence flashed across Jiang Baimian’s mind: Everyone has their own ambitions…

Bai Chen wanted to ask, “Can you really accept this? Will you really be satisfied with this?” However, she recalled that Phocas had repeatedly emphasized ‘pain’ and ‘torture.’

This made her feel that there were no holes in the other party’s defense.

“Isn’t the most painful thing the deaths of family, companions, and friends?” Shang Jianyao asked with a serious expression.

Phocas’s expression changed a few times. “Yes.”

His tone was very deep.

Shang Jianyao went further by asking, “Then, would someone deliberately let their family, companions, and friends die to experience such pain?”

Phocas couldn’t help but size up the fellow as if he were looking at a pervert. He then said in a deep voice, “How can people who can deliberately cause their family, companions, and friends to die feel pain from their deaths?”

“That’s right!” Shang Jianyao clenched his right fist and punched his left palm excitedly. He seemed to have resolved some of his worries because of Phocas’s answer.

Phocas didn’t understand a thing, but he didn’t want to say anything else. He looked at Jiang Baimian and asked, “What kind of assistance do you want from me?”

Having formulated a plan, she smiled. “If there’s chaos in the city, the responsibility of protecting Avia will be handed over to the city defense forces, or there might be a void. General, I hope that you can provide some convenience in our contact with Avia.”

“What if there’s no chaos?” Phocas asked instead of responding.

Jiang Baimian smiled and answered, “Then, we won’t trouble you. We’ll get your help another time.”

Phocas didn’t comment and said, “If you are willing to share your gains from your contact with Avia, I can agree.”

Phew… Jiang Baimian heaved a sigh of relief and joked, “Actually, with your philosophy, why do you want to obtain the secrets Oray left behind? Can’t you just focus on finding the true self?”

Phocas looked around and said, “Before we find the true self, we have to resist the terrifying nightmares to prevent our consciousness from being swallowed. The secrets Oray left behind might very well reveal the nightmare’s truth to a certain extent.”

Jiang Baimian stopped asking and smiled. “Looking forward to working with you.”

Phocas turned to look at the curtain-covered window and casually said, “It’s time for me to return. Gaius will be speaking at the Citizen Meet later.”

…

After receiving the radio transceiver from Ugo, the Old Task Force directly did some tuning in the car and sent a telegram to Pangu Biology.

The telegram’s content was about the same as Jiang Baimian’s draft from yesterday. She only added the matter regarding today’s Citizen Meet and provided her speculation that there might be chaos, expressing her intention of taking advantage of the chaos to make contact with Avia.

Jiang Baimian hoped to obtain the company’s help. She felt that as a large faction, it was impossible for the company to have only one intelligence network and a single Old Task Force in First City.

After sending the telegram, Jiang Baimian cast her gaze at Giuseppe. “Are there Mind Corridor-level Awakened in the company here?”

Giuseppe slowly shook his head. “I’m not too sure. I’m only in charge of providing the corresponding intelligence and not establishing deep ties with the person I’m meeting. Before this, I didn’t know you were this strong.”

He meant that there were indeed many people sent by Pangu Biology to First City for missions. He had indeed met a large number of them and had given them the designated intelligence, but he didn’t know if there were any Mind Corridor-level Awakened among them.

At this point, Giuseppe added, “But the company has quite a number of teams and individuals carrying out missions here. The chances of them being powerhouses are very high.”

“Individuals?” Jiang Baimian’s eyes lit up.

Just as lone Hunters were often relatively strong, those who carried out company missions as individuals and not teams were definitely not weak.

“Three.” Giuseppe gave an affirmative answer. “But I’ve already been exposed, so they definitely won’t contact me again.”

Jiang Baimian nodded thoughtfully and said to Bai Chen, “Drive the car to the intersection of the Red Wolf Zone and the Green Olive Zone.”

They could hear First City’s official radio broadcast there, making it easier for the Old Task Force to grasp the Citizen Meet’s developing trends. Once chaos broke out, they could retreat into the Green Olive Zone in time. As a place where lower-class citizens and foreign nomads lived, this place lacked strategic importance. It wouldn’t become the focus of the fight, and it would only produce a certain level of disorder. This didn’t threaten the Old Task Force.

“Alright.” Bai Chen accelerated the jeep slightly.

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