Chapter 141
Unedited
Qiu Tianyang heard buzzing in his ears.
The tear falling down the cheek of the man before him cut deeper than any questions, like an awl wedged into his chest. From there, a sour and bitter taste rose up his throat as the intense sense of guilt made his eyes redden as well.
“...No one will touch that apartment,” He said hoarsely, “Never—”
Upon hearing those words, Shen Yan trembled slightly, breathing heavily for a long while before regaining composure. The moment he loosened the hold on Qiu Tianyang’s shirt, this guy stumbled back onto the sofa.
After the intensive build-up and outburst of emotions just now, Shen Yan felt completely emptied out. The two steps back he did were sluggish, as if treading through a marsh. He slowly and wearily collapsed back onto his original seat, his face pale and eyes still tinged with red. He silently rubbed them with his hands for a while.
And all that time, Qiu Tianyang remained motionless like a stone, his tie and collar in a disorder. He looked completely disheveled, yet made no effort to fix his appearance, staring at some nonexistent point in the distance with a vacant expression for the longest time.
“That year, you... never opened the letter I sent you, am I right?”
Suddenly, he asked numbly.
Shen Yan’s hands froze for a moment, but he didn’t say anything.
That year, he locked himself in the empty apartment after the old man’s departure. He wouldn’t speak with anyone, wouldn’t see anyone—especially the people from Shen family.
He disconnected the telephone line, installing the Skype and QQ softwares from his computer. He isolated himself completely in this closed world, enduring silently day after day as he faced the belongings the old man left behind, his heart cold like ashes.
He knew that someone kept knocking on the door desperately—he also knew who it was, so he never bothered himself to go open it.
He knew, after he reconnected the telephone line, that a number from Beijing used to call him every day, but he was also never bothered to call back.
He knew that after a month, he finally once again opened the letter box downstairs, among the stack of envelopes was a heavy letter addressed to him. Before, all the letters sent to this address were for his grandpa, and hardly anyone knew he lived there and would write to him, so as for from whom that letter was, he knew that as well. But to this day he has never opened it, keeping it locked away in a drawer for a couple of years now.
“You really didn’t even open it.” Qiu Tianyang laughed bitterly, raising his head under the lamplight, looking even more dishevelled than before when he combed his hair with his hand, “...Is it because you didn’t want to see what’s inside, didn’t want to see ‘I’m sorry’... Is it because you thought that saying so when things came to that point was too much of a hypocrisy?”
The answer didn’t come for a long time.
Shen Yan could more or less guess the letter’s content, could more or less guess that it would contain those words. But it wasn’t that he didn’t open it because he found it hypocritical—at that time, he simply didn’t want to have anything to do with his father’s family anymore. Day 2 words 565/771
“If it wasn’t for you who took me to the hospital back then, I wouldn’t even know that he was critically ill. And if you didn’t help me push those people away, I might not have been able to see grandpa for the last time... For this matter, I need to thank you.” Shen Yan said slowly, his voice rough and dry as if scraped with gravel, “If it was hypocrisy... Then you wouldn’t take action.”
Upon hearing this, Qiu Tianyang couldn’t hold back the urge to cry anymore for some reason. As he stared in a daze, a tear escaped his eyes and rolled down his cheek.
He took a hurried deep breath and wiped his face.
“It’s because uncle, he... He told me about it himself.” He breathed erratically for a moment before finally calming down a little. Breathing in through his nose first, he said, “When he discovered that I was secretly planning to drive you out with Auntie, he came to me... and told me the truth about what happened in the past.”
The man was a very proud and arrogant person. And proud, arrogant people would always think lying below their dignity.
The man was also the protagonist of those past events.
So it was the man’s words... that were actually true.
“When I found out that your mom wasn’t some mistress, when I realised... that you were innocent, and I was a scoundrel for what I did, it was already too late.”
At that time, Shen Yan was interning away in a different city. The old man didn’t want to burden his grandson with the news of his illness and then its turn for the worse, because if he left this world, his grandson would be left behind devastated and with no support in this world—so he planned to clench his teeth and endure through it. There was no one in the Shen Family who would notify Shen Yan, and the man’s wife even wanted to take advantage of the time when Shen Yan was away and the old man was unable to manage the family due to his condition, wanting to once and for all drive him out from the Shen family.
After hearing the truth from the man, he quickly flew over from Beijing, asking all around, looking all around that unfamiliar city before finally finding the person he was looking for at the local quarantine facility where he was interning.
But to do that, he had no other choice but to confess his identity.
“The look in your eyes when you heard who I was at that clinic... I will never be able to forget it.”
He would never forget the mistakes he has casted.
He would never forget, fated to shoulder the weight of his guilt for a lifetime.
He smiled miserably, “At one point, I thought you would never speak with me anymore.”
No matter how many times he went there, those doors stayed shut close; no matter how many times he called, the phone number couldn’t be reached or nobody picked up; no matter how many messages he left on Skype or QQ, he never got a reply. Even when he anxiously sent out that letter, it was ultimately left with no answer, like throwing a stone into a bottomless sea.
Shen Yan was always the type of man to answer every plea. So when he didn’t ‘answer’ anymore... It meant that he completely cut the ties altogether.
When Shen Yan left, he didn’t have the courage to tell the truth to Yang Jie and the rest, he even barely showed up anymore. In the end, with their voice acting group slowly losing the support of the core members and with the pressure of everyone facing different commitments, they all went on their own way.
Even if he took on a new project elsewhere on his own, the very act of voice acting would always evoke the guilt he felt towards Shen Yan in his heart. As time went on, he couldn’t bring himself to do any voice acting anymore, so he cleaned up all of his remaining projects, ending the era of ‘Sleek horses run fast’ he used to be so proud of.
“Two years after that... Uncle found me and asked me to give this to you.” Qiu Tianyang muttered as he took out a bunch of keys from his pocket.
Shen Yan looked at it, frowning slightly the same way he did in the past.
“He said that you’d definitely refuse to see him, but maybe you would still be willing to see me...” Qiu Tianyang nervously rubbed the key with his thumb, its toothed bitting just as jagged as his feelings at that moment. “That day, even when I stood by the door, I really didn’t feel like you would be willing to open them to see me. But I was wrong.”
The door opened—just opened, nothing more.
Merely ten centimetres away, the man he didn’t see for such a long time stood silently in the entrance, watching the visitor and the keys in the visitor’s hand with a cold, indifferent gaze.
—Are you here to tell me that I can’t stay here anymore? You’re chasing me out somewhere else?
—No...
—Then leave.
Just those few words, yet they left him with no chance to implore before the door closed heavily.
“Still, at least your attitude changed from the previous complete avoidance to being willing to see me at least that once,” Qiu Tianyang forced out a bitter smile, “I thought that... Maybe the day would come when I would be able to sit down with you face-to-face and have a proper talk.”
At that time, Shen Yan said quietly, “I’m willing to listen now—so go ahead and say it.”
Upon hearing this, Qiu Tianyang froze for a moment, then pursed his lips, as if he needed to suppress the slight shaking in his voice first before speaking.
“I didn’t come to make excuses for myself today. The mistakes had already been made, I have no say in this.” day 3 words 1020/1791
“...You had your own standpoint back then, and you didn’t know the truth.” Shen Yan’s voice carried a calm and subdued tone, as if his turbulent feelings from a moment ago had subsided gradually, much like sea waves going back into the sea after crashing against the rocks, leaving behind a smooth sandy beach. “Of course you would choose the person closer to you over a stranger like me. That’s just how it is.”
Qiu Tianyang didn’t continue with the conversation right away, sitting there silently for a while. Then, he reached his hand out once again to pour Shen Yan a cup of water.
His hands were still shaking, but he still held the bottle steady, pouring him a full glass.
Right now, there was also something in his heart that filled slowly to the brim.
“That letter,” He suddenly went back to the main topic, his voice as careful as his movement of sliding the glass over to Shen Yan, “Open it when you go back. Aside from the letter I wrote to you... there’s also a copy of that old apartment’s property ownership.”
Shen Yan was stunned—he raised his head to look at him in shock.
Qiu Tianyang smiled weakly, “After grandpa passed away, uncle didn’t mind auntie’s objections and changed the name on the property ownership certificate to yours—I just want you to see this. Seeing how you remained on guard against me regarding this place, thinking that I wanted to evict you, I knew that you never opened that letter.”
Shen Yan stared at him for a long while, then finally looked down, unable to say a word.
At that moment, Qiu Tianyang gently placed the keys from his hand back on the glass table, pushing them beside the glass of water, displaying them both before Shen Yan. “And also this. Two years ago, I wasn’t able to explain it to you clearly, and... Two years ago, you probably wouldn’t accept it either. That’s why I brought it with me again today.”
These keys were just your ordinary house keys, with two identical copies, reflecting a silvery light under the dim lamplight.
“Aside from that old apartment, uncle also gave you this,” He said slowly, “It’s to the apartment he purchased in Beijing. He didn’t want auntie to know about it, so he kept it under my name, hoping that someday I could transfer it to you in secret.”
“I don’t need it.” Shen Yan’s answer was light, but decisive.
He didn’t want it.
The only thing he wanted was that old apartment, even if it meant spending the lifetime’s worth of hard-earned money to buy it from the Shen family. But now, he didn’t have to do that anymore. Besides, he didn’t need that man to give him anything, especially not material goods—
Qiu Tianyang seemed to know from the beginning how he would react. He wasn’t surprised at all, and only sighed quietly.
“I need to tell you something—”
Even though it wasn’t his place to say it, remaining silent about it would only weigh down on him later.
“This might seem like uncle is attempting to bribe you with money, to patronise you, but what I want to say is... Some things aren’t the way you think. In this world, there are some people that don’t know how to express their remorse through words, especially someone as proud as uncle. In his mindset, in the values of those from his generation, there are some things difficult to put into words. They are only able to show through material things. But it doesn’t mean that he thinks you’re someone who can be appeased with money. He just... never knew how to say ‘I’m sorry’.”
Time can change many things, change many people. Sometimes, it is only at a certain age that some people would look back to reflect on all of the absurdities they have committed throughout their lives.
“Uncle’s in his fifties already, the age where a person is already more accepting of fate. Although he never said so clearly, I know that he definitely felt remorse.” Qiu Tianyang slowly came to the point, “Of course, it’s not like simply saying ‘I regret’ can nullify every debt in the world, but everyone has a different way to pay it back.”
Shen Yan listened silently, not saying anything.
Qiu Tianyang continued, “I... I once heard Teacher Pu mention to Teacher Yuan that she wanted to invite you to her university to pursue your undergraduate studies, and when I chatted with Return Date today, he also said that he’s getting transferred to work in Beijing at the beginning of the next year. So... You guys will surely need to find a place to stay at that time, right?”
When Qi Jing got brought up, Shen Yan’s expression shifted slightly. He opened his mouth, but ultimately didn’t say anything.
“The rent in Beijing is really high, especially for the areas with convenient transportation. If you were to live far from the city centre, commuting everyday would be very tiring and time-consuming. This apartment has a good location with a metro station nearby, and it’s within the city area with relatively well-established property management.” Qiu Tianyang spoke this with all sincerity, with no intent to pressure him. “If you’re willing to consider it... Even if only for a while, think of it like renting an apartment for free. This way you could also help ease Return Date’s burden.”
Shen Yan’s gaze lingered on the keys on the table for a long while before he finally reached out and picked them up.
However, his principles wouldn’t change.
“Return Date’s internship will last three years, and if I will pursue my undergraduate studies, it would also take me three years.” He said, “After three years, I will return the keys to you. After that, you can do whatever you want with it—”
After that, he picked up that glass of water, tilting his head back and downing it in one go. Day 4 words 1008/2801
Qiu Tianyang watched as the water in the glass slowly disappeared, and suddenly he felt a mix of emotions surge inside him. He watched Shen Yan, stunned, until he completely emptied the whole glass.
After so many years, he never expected that Shen Yan would really ‘accept’ them.
Accept that bunch of keys.
Accept that glass of water.
Then, if he offered the third thing, the one he was late to give, would Shen Yan accept it as well?
“Shen Yan, I’m sorry.” Perhaps because the psychological burden brought by those words was too great, but the more he said, the more strained and hoarse his voice became, until he could only choke out a faint sob, “For everything I’ve done in the past... I’m so sorry.”
The one speaking struggled so, but his listener’s expression was just as before, neither joyful or sorrowful as if he was an outsider in this all, calm like the still water.
He silently placed down the glass in his hand, letting go of it. Letting go is such a simple action, yet it’s also something people spend a lifetime trying to do.
A human only has one lifetime, spending it all on this one thing would be too wasteful. That’s why...
“I forgive you.”
He said impassively.
After doing so, he breathed a long exhale as well, closing his eyes as his shoulders slumped slowly as if he got rid of some burden. He leaned back comfortably on the sofa, his left hand reaching up for that button hanging on his collarbone.
At that moment, he felt the man beside him shift closer and suddenly hug him tightly, reinstating the weight on his shoulders that he had just relieved—but he didn’t find it unpleasant. Even though the head pressed on his shoulder was slightly shaking, and even though those wet, scalding things falling one after another on his shirt were a bit bothersome.
And that guy kept muttering, not minding taking any trouble, “Thank you, thank you...”
He also replied softly, “Mn.”
And in that exact moment, the door to the room suddenly swung open with a ‘clack’, and two men walked in one after another. The first thing they saw upon entering was none other than this.
Qi Jing froze.
Shen Yan froze.
Qiu Tianyang also froze.
Tan Zixian didn’t freeze, only raising one brow.
...Why, was this situation, so, weird? ...Because clearly, this... wasn’t some... adultery coming to light...
Qiu Tianyang stayed like that for a while, stupefied and with his hands still on Shen Yan’s body. He blinked in confusion, unsure what to do.
Seeing how he clung to Shen Yan like a koala to a tree, Tan Zixian didn’t protest. He made a calm turn to the side, suddenly opening his arms to hug Qi Jing on his side tightly in a bold and self-righteous provocation—”you can hug, then I can hug as well”. He even confidently put his head on Qi Jing’s shoulder, reenacting the scene of ‘tossing oneself into someone’s arms’ per, fect, ly.
Qiu Tianyang’s face momentarily turned white, an expression of someone hurt so badly that he couldn’t even cry in protest.
Qi Jing initially was also startled by this hug from Tan Zixian, but that exaggerated expression on Qiu Tianyang’s face made him stop once again. Then, he couldn’t help himself and sputtered with laughter.
Shen Yan was also still a bit stupefied, but when he saw Qi Jing laughing, his frown disappeared slowly as well and he chuckled quietly.
That’s right.
He also only had one lifetime, so rather than using it up on letting go of the past, why not just... Spend it on cherishing the present.
A/N:
To be honest, the amount of Five’s fans turning into antis after the last chapter was beyond my expectations... (Was it because I didn’t finish the scene yet?? Can’t be leaving people on cliffhangers like that... So this time I shouldn’t end the chapter on a crucial point, yup)
Seems like there was a lot of people that misunderstood that Kitty’s Papa didn’t see his grandpa’s last moments. In reality, he managed to do that, although the events leading to that were a bit rough. If he really weren’t able to see his grandpa on his dying bed, that would be simply too cruel... 〒^〒
As for Five, it’s up to the future generations to evaluate him. (Five: QAQ I’m not dead though...)
P.S.: Yes, up to the very end I’m still secretly spamming Time Limit... _(:3」∠)_
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