Chapter 52: Prologue
Prologue: Asamura Yuuta
That day, I, Asamura Yuuta, was strolling around Suisei High's cultural festival. It was the second week of October, the time of day a tad bit past noon. Upon looking outside the window, I was greeted with the sight of a clear sky and the trees rustling with a cool breeze. Wherever you looked, you would encounter signs that fall had come upon us. Despite the sun still standing tall in the sky, you couldn't help but crave something warm to drink away the chilliness settling onto your skin.
When I directed my gaze downward, I spotted a large number of people making their way up a small hill from the school gate, entering the school building like ants entering their nests. It didn't take much detective work to deduce that Suisei High's cultural festival was in full bloom this year, too. Us students were excited about this special day of the year, and the occasional cheers or applause filled the cozy air.
It wasn't too rare to spot either unfamiliar school uniforms from distant schools or other adults such as guardians or parents and the like. Some of the children running around screaming in excitement were periodically reprimanded by their parents. Amidst the chaos, I spotted a boy and girl holding hands. I hadn't seen either of them before. And despite that, the way they kept their bodies close to each other, spending time in absolute bliss, caused me to find myself unable to tear my eyes from them. Boldly holding hands in front of other people must be something that only those who openly admit to dating are permitted to do.
I personally don't perceive this as something the two of us should be doing in front of others, let alone so confidently. Along with that thought, the appearance of a girl came to mind—Ayase Saki. My little sister… or rather, my step-sister.
About four months ago, the two of us became siblings through the act of our parents' marriage. Since I had lived through hell with my biological mother, I'd set my mind on not expecting anything from women in general. Ayase-san experienced something somewhat similar and acquired a dry and distant attitude. Despite this grand rift between us, for the sake of our parents' happiness, we decided to work with each other, to adjust to each other, and to try to be the best kinds of siblings the situation permitted.
However, through certain events, I'd begun to see Ayase-san not as my little sister but rather as a woman I might or might not be romantically interested in. At the end of September, Ayase-san and I revealed our feelings to each other and adjusted accordingly. We certainly hadn't reached the status of a clearly-defined lover's relationship, but instead we arrived at a decision that would let us meet halfway. We'd continue as siblings the way we'd done before, although being a bit closer and more intimate than an average brother and sister, which will allow us a certain level of physical intimacy that we won't be too quick to show in public. It's a mysterious and confusing secret life, that's for sure.
Walking around the festival, holding hands while doing so… For a couple like those two, it was something they didn't have to think twice about, but my current relationship with Ayase-san won't permit something like that. At the very least, not in front of other people. Naturally, I've given up on keeping secret the fact that Ayase-san and I are siblings. During our parent-teacher meeting, both of us decided that it would ease the burden on our parents if we chose not to attempt to keep it secret any longer. However, that very fact makes it exceptionally difficult, as nobody is allowed to see us as lovers. Brothers and sisters are not societally permitted to become lovers.
The law states that, as long as we're not related by blood, there are no hurdles standing in our way, but the view of the world and its perceptions is an entirely different matter of conflict. I don't know how strict the laws are, or to what extent they cover our specific case, and the people who don't bother considering our circumstances and feelings will most likely raise the cry of immorality in the blink of an eye. That in itself seemed far too much to deal with, and we wanted to avoid it.
I bought two bottles from the class that was selling drinks, one of them being coffee, the other black tea (both hot), and quickly made my way away from the noisy hallway. Next I made my way to the special classroom building's highest floor, specifically to a certain corner thereof. Upon opening the door there, I found myself on the emergency stairs. There I was greeted by a solitary female student who was standing next to the wall in boredom: Ayase-san.
"I bought them, Ayase-san."
"Thanks."
The highest point of the emergency stairs was the place farthest from all of the festival noise, and it made it virtually impossible for anybody to spot us. It was probably to be expected that we would decide to meet up here. I handed Ayase-san the bottle of hot tea and sat down next to her.
"How's it going?"
"In what sense?"
"Are you enjoying the festival?" I asked, and Ayase-san made an expression like she was lost in thought.
Was my question really that philosophical in nature?
"Yeah, I think I am. How about you, Asamura-kun?" Ayase-san threw the question back at me.
Ah, she did it again.
"Hm? Is something wrong?"
"No, it's nothing… Don't mind me."
The way she addressed me reverted from her previous "Nii-san" back to "Asamura-kun." As of late, she's only been calling me "Nii-san" when we're at home.
"I'm enjoying it as well…I think."
I don't like crowds, nor do I like all of this noise or chaos, but I certainly don't despite the cheerful atmosphere of the festival.
"Did you find any interesting places to check out?"
"Err…Not really, no."
"Oh, really?"
"Then again, I think that's just me. I don't really know how to… enjoy them."
"How to enjoy them?"
done.me
"Like…my perception of them, I guess?"
"I see?" Ayase-san's intonation showed that she wasn't exactly sure what I meant.
The fortunetellers, haunted houses, and other booths I had encountered along the way are bound to be fun with friends or lovers, I'm sure. But if I said that in front of Ayase-san, it'd just sound like a snide remark. Before the actual day of the festival, Ayase-san and I discussed what would and would not be acceptable for us to do at a public event like this, and we reached the conclusion that we should resort to only actively talking to each other in isolated places such as this. Naturally, I agreed. However, that doesn't change the fact that walking around the festival all on my own wasn't exactly the kind of exciting experience you would envision when picturing a cultural festival.
"Did you see anything that looked fun?" I asked Ayase-san.
I tried changing the topic before she could guess how I truly felt.
"Over there," Ayase-san said, pointing towards a corner of the courtyard.
Located in the corner of the roughly 400-meter-long circular track in the sports grounds was a small stage with audience seats. The music from the large speakers there was audible even from all the way up here. Since it's not indoors or under a roof, the words are a bit hard to make out from this distance, but that's about what you could expect from the limits of a school cultural festival's PA system.
"A concert?"
"Yep. The girls in our class are doing this…err, visual kei band1 thing? I tagged along with a girl who wanted to see it."
"Oh, interesting. I've heard of it, but I can't say I've ever looked into it much."
I only knew that they dressed in a flashy, abstract way. Ayase-san was kind enough to give me an explanation, which pretty much was just a quote from her friend, since she previously thought the same as I. According to her friend, these bands not only focus on the songs and sound they create, but also the kind of visual image they imprint on the viewers, creating their own personal worldview… or something along those lines. Even the boys from that class were wearing similarly gaudy clothes with surreal makeup, but the fact that they were handsome made them popular with the girls from other schools. That much I can follow.
Makeup, stylish clothes, supernatural-looking hairstyle… all of these things aren't exactly on the list of things I excel at, so I can't help admiring the people who wholeheartedly commit to it. Even more so if they actually get up on stage looking like that. Well, since I'm not nearly as handsome as them, nor am I even able to play an instrument or sing, thinking about any of this is a waste of effort.
"Oh yeah, what about your class, Ayase-san? What are you guys doing again?"
"A maid cafe."
"A what?"
Hearing such an unexpected response from Ayase-san made me bewildered.
"It was Maaya's idea, of course."
"Right."
"If she brings it up, everybody else will join in no matter what."
"Yeah, I'd expect as much."
Ayase-san's friend Narasaka Maaya-san is exceptionally skilled when it comes to talking to others, which makes her famous not only among students of her year but also students throughout the entire school.
"Then I guess I might check it out later with Maru."
"Is that a friend of yours?"
"Yep. We have a lot of cafes this year, right? He said he wanted to check out all the cafes and their special concepts, or something like that."
"Is it such a big deal?" Ayase-san sounded slightly bewildered.
"Well, you rarely get to experience something like this."
The image of Ayase-san dressing up as a Victorian maid, saying 'Welcome back, dear master,' came to mind, which filled me with the desire to actually see it.
"I'm not dressing up, okay?"
"Ah, okay."
I guess I was showing it on my face.
"My job was to help with the preparations, so I finished up all my work for today."
"As expected. Good work."
It's a bit of a shame, to be perfectly honest.
"That kind of affectionate customer service is way too much for me," Ayase-san said.
"Too much how?"
"It's more like… I can't deal with it?"
"Oh, I see."
"If I'm compensated for my work, I can see it as necessary customer service, but I have trouble otherwise."
"That makes sense."
Whenever our shifts overlapped at work and I got to see Ayase-san's customer service, she's never impolite. It'd be more accurate to say that she interacts with everyone in a normal way, nothing more. That explains why she has trouble providing services that go beyond the bare minimum.
Well, I'm having trouble imagining Ayase-san drawing a heart on the omurice someone ordered and carrying it to the table like a maid. Overly-friendly treatment, huh? Would that also refer to an emotional distance… one that a couple would have? I mean, it's not as if I'm experienced enough to understand exactly what that means.
A shadow appeared on the emergency stairs. The bright sun up in the sky started to become covered by clouds. Shadows covered the world, and the cold breeze sunk deep into my bones, making my body shiver. The same thing seemed to happen to Ayase-san, and she sat next to me.
"Should we head back?" I asked.
"I'm okay."
I had raised myself halfway up, but I sat back down. If I'm being honest, I wanted to stay like this a bit longer myself. I glanced at Ayase-san's small hand which she had placed right next to my waist. I can't explain why, but her hand seemed cold to the point that I wanted to place my own on top of hers to give her warmth. Could I really do that? I never got an answer to this question, as Ayase-san quickly moved her hand away again and started holding her bottle of tea with both hands.
"It sure is getting a bit cold."
"It really could have been sunny and warm at least for today." I looked up at the sky, cursing whoever decided to make it so chilly today. "If you're feeling cold, we don't have to stay out here, you know?"
"I'm fine, okay?"
So Ayase-san said, and she tilted her hips slightly to close the distance between us. I did the same, bringing our shoulders closer. We soon were close enough that we may or may not have been leaning our shoulders together. At the very least, it felt like I could feel Ayase-san's warmth next to me.
With this being the case, I abruptly remembered the incident at the end of September, specifically when she hugged me out of the blue. That was the definitive moment where I could directly feel her warmth mixing with mine. And of course, the sheer act of reminiscing in that bliss made a bit of extra heat rush to my cheeks. However, the warmth and happiness I felt back then had now grown hazy and dim. Needless to say, ever since that incident, we never shared physical intimacy to such an extent.
That hug of hers was a means of reassuring and calming me down after I had gotten anxious, and certainly not of light feelings that we could just replicate whenever we wanted to. I was painfully aware of that. We may have reached the conclusion that, although they might not be of purely romantic origin, we do hold positive affections for each other, and we adjusted in that regard to fit each other's interests best. If you asked me what had changed since then, though, I would have a hard time finding anything worth mentioning. We simply exchanged our genuine feelings towards each other; nothing more, nothing less.
That being said, the fact that we hadn't indulged in any further physical intimacy since then showed that both of us were satisfied with where we were right now. She knows about my feelings and openly accepts them. That is something I have confirmed, but it's more important than anything else, and touching each other is nothing more than the first step… or so I think, at least.
And despite that, somewhere deep inside my heart, I find myself wishing for more. Not necessarily on the level of holding hands at this point in time, but simply spending more time together. Maybe I should invite her out somewhere? But is that really something she would want? As of late, these thoughts keep coming to mind on a periodic basis.
Hold on… Is this really okay? Should I really be pondering this all on my own? Interpreting her desires, twisting them to my own convenience, then expecting her to understand what I feel and what I want… Isn't that the exact type of forced communication and attitude that both of us despise? Honesty and adjustment beat everything else. I can't believe I almost forgot about that.
"It sure is chilly today," Ayase-san said as she gazed up at the sky.
"Fall has started, after all."
"Yeah, you're right. It is Fall."
"With such cold breezes left and right, it sure makes me feel like winter's gonna be right around the corner starting tomorrow."
"I feel like that's a bit of a stretch."
"So anyway… once it gets cold out, it'll be even more of a pain to go outside, won't it?"
Ayase-san is pleasantly perceptive, so she must have already guessed what I was trying to say. However, I couldn't just let it end there. I needed to finish what I wanted to say. That's what it means to take the first step and adjust.
"If you're okay with it, I'd be happy if we could go out somewhere sometime. Together, you know."
The few seconds before the response felt like hours, making my heart beat harder than during a marathon. At the same time, a slight change occurred in Ayase-san's expression. It was barely recognizable—almost to the point where I doubted it myself—but it felt like she seemed relieved, almost happy.
"Okay." She faintly nodded.
I immediately sighed in relief. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. And then I went back to thinking. If we were any normal high school boy and girl couple, we'd probably be enjoying this cultural festival to the fullest. We'd be walking around the school, creating countless precious memories. And yet we met up in an isolated location, not even holding hands as we simply sat next to each other. We're adjusting to each other, making promises to head out somewhere together if time permits it.
It's half-baked, and dare I say…awkward. We haven't even properly defined if what is driving us closer is romantic affection or familial love. However, there is one thing I can be absolutely certain about. Sitting on these emergency stairs, distanced from all the noise of the festival, simply enjoying a bit of casual conversation without much meaning to it…is what made me feel comfortable. And if Ayase-san feels the same way, I would have no greater joy in life at this point.
The clouds in the sky moved, revealing the bright afternoon sun. Once our bodies had warmed up through the natural sunlight bestowed upon us, we stood up from the emergency stairs and left that isolated space one at a time, with a bit of time between us. After that, until the school broadcast declared the conclusion of the festival, we never ran into each other again. Mine and Ayase-san's cultural festival ended without any particular incident worth mentioning.
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1 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Visual_kei
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