Harem God: Leveling Up Yanderes in the Apocalypse



Leon panned the gazes of all the women around him, frozen, afraid to fail the event but equally confused by what they were experiencing.

Those in the back tried pressing forward, but panic spread like wildfire having sex with a political debate, and a flock of multi-race Karens began squawking in the back, complaining without considering how strange it was that everyone running to his aid stopped and wouldn't go forward.

The scene was a bonding experience for the intergalactic races out front, uniting over their disdain over a type of woman they abruptly learned existed everywhere! Albeit with different names.

"Everyone, close your eyes!" Leon boomed, trying to prevent the situation from getting out of control.

Everyone in the area reflexively turned to him. Not only were they drawn to the abrupt sound, but not a single person dared to ignore his words when he spoke!

As a result, fifty pairs of eyes turned to him simultaneously, and—

"That… was the worst decision I could've made." Leon groaned in regret.

"Eeeeeek!"

"Why is he so damn attractive!?"

"Please don't look at me! I'm so embarrassed!"

"Let me see!"

"Stop pushing!"

"Just admit you love him!"

"Why don't you do it!?"

"Why is everyone talking like they're in love with Leon? Why would anyone love—"

Ding!

The scoffing Karen got a notification.

—

You have failed the event: Help the Craven Milksop Gain Some Minor Confidence.

Reason: Failure to abide by the rule: "Participants must speak honestly, positively or negatively, and not express misleading statements to hide embarrassment."

—

Her eyes trembled in shock, reading the screen.

A dozen people stopped talking mid-sentence when they got a similar [Dead End] message, spreading paranoia through the crowd.

"I thought this would be an embarrassment disaster, but it's a horror event!" Leon muttered in shock, "It's like a Hearts game in that [mass-murder is cool] game show on Cageflix."

While it seemed extreme to compare his non-lethal confessional event to a game where all the players kill each other, the sight playing out made didn't disappoint!

"If you're in love with Leon Traxler, stop talking to prevent issues!" A blond Karen ordered brazenly.

A brunette's eyes lit up with hellfire. "No one is going to out themselves, even if they—"

Ding!

Her eyes instantly deadened when she saw the notification, leading to a group of women laughing. The poor brunette turned beet red, and she covered her face with her hands in shame.

Leon nearly had a panic attack when she saw people mocked mercilessly for having feelings for him! The game was brutal! "Caitlyn, I'm Yoinking God's Voice!"

"You don't need to ask…." Caitlyn replied in confusion, "But babe, why aren't we flying away and making everyone fail? You don't owe anyone anything."

"That's true; I could just end this event leaving only you for fairness, but…." He replied pensively, "Most of Harem City is built off entertainment value; I can't just ruin an event.

More importantly, this is about to turn into a gifting feeding frenzy. I'd hate who my phobia made me become if I let fear deprive me and others of free god gifts!

Gods, if you're listening, prove that I won't suffer needlessly!"

Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!

As the gods were actually listening, they answered his prayers—albeit sarcastically.

—

Scam God SBF has gifted God Candidate Leon Traxler (@LeonTraxxx) during the event: Help the Craven Milksop Gain Some Minor Confidence!

Item: Phishing For Gifts T-Shirt

Grade: Unique

Description: The shirt has a haremgodcity.com signup page asking for people's names and credit card information. Below are the words: Phishing for Gifts. [1]

Item Note: I felt this shirt was fitting because you're shilling Harem City like it's an ERC20 token and getting rewarded for it. Just wait until you have enough power before you pull the rug ;). [2]

—

"See?" Leon smiled in amusement, reading the gift description. "Gods prepared for this event since the last phobia humiliation event. They want to waste their money, so we should let them."

Caitlyn nodded, looking into his eyes deeply.

"Leon!" Lindy yelled, holding back a line of people with Tricksie, "Did you know all these women loved you!?" The brunette cried, "It's like a clout chaser clot out here!"

A couple of dozen stressed-out women groaned when they heard her words.

Leon yoinked God's voice from Caitlyn and replied.

"I don't know if anyone has feelings for me, and still don't, as there are multiple ways to fail, Lindy!" He replied, confusing her, "So unless someone confesses to me, I'll assume they walked backward.

I'm closing my eyes now, so that's a genuine assumption!"

A wave of understanding washed over Lindy when she saw gaggles of shuddering Karens stop complaining and start backing away carefully.

Once they understood why people were gridlocked, they didn't want any part of it!

"If you're within 50 feet of me—please don't move." Leon requested in a godly, amplified voice, "If you're not, do not move forward for any reason.

I will be flying to a high spot where people can approach if they want to after I allow the people up front to approach!"

The Karens braved ridicule to back away once they heard they were free to move away.

While most people didn't have feelings for Leon, many found parts of him attractive, physically and personality-wise. So few didn't have something that they didn't want to let slip.

"Due to the circumstances, all haremites can speak freely without concern of backlash from my partners tonight!" Leon yelled, "I will personally ensure it!

So if you seek rewards for telling the truth, step forward. If there's one thing you can count on, it's that you won't be the only person embarrassed tonight!"

The area fell still for a moment before a woman giggled, and the place erupted into awkward laughter and chaos.

***

"Ummm…." A cute canine woman with floppy black ears hummed awkwardly, rocking on her toes bashfully, "I…."

"It's okay, Jessy." Leon smiled, "Due to my emotions, unless you threaten my partners or lie about something sexual, there's almost nothing you can say that will make me look down upon you. So you have nothing to lose and every gift to gain."

The cute black-haired canine woman, wearing a yellow tank top and white short-shorts, looked up at him with adorable black eyes and—

"Okay… I just wanted to say that I was super happy when you rubbed my ears that one time." Jessy said bashfully, "It made me feel like maybe I could belong on Earth, you know? It was… special."

He smiled, hearing her cute response. "I'm glad I made your time here feel special."

"You did!" The canine woman cried with happy eyes, building confidence, "You don't understand, Leon. None of us demihumans have even heard legends about what you gave to us!

I wouldn't go back to Pax even if I could. Because if I did, I'd still get super wet at night thinking of you touching my ears, but there would never be hope of you doing it again!"

Jessy's cheeks flushed red, and her eyes became crazed. Her mind looked hazy, lost in a blizzard of lewd thoughts.

"I…." Leon said, putting up his hand to stop Tricksie from swinging her maple bat, "... am glad to have given you an experience worth leaving home for."

Ding!

—

Event Announcement! Jessy Gnaw has completed the event: Help the Craven Milksop Gain Some Minor Confidence.

…

Jessy Gnaw has won the Hidden Reward

Reward: Beastly by Poseidon (Sensual Fur Oil) [1]

Grade: Epic

Description: A sensual fur oil for when you want your bull to love you back! <3

Just apply it to beast ears and watch a legend form.

Note: Perfect for demihumans, as ensuing pregnancies don't require awkward explanations.

Warning: Known to spark NTR and adolescent deaths.

—

Leon's eyes glazed over when he read the description and watched Jessy's eyes light up like a Christmas tree. "Poseidon, I'll call in a favor from Gilgamesh and Caesar if you fuck with me."

Ding!

—

NTR Gods Gilgamesh and Caesar jointly gifted God Candidate Leon Traxler (@LeonTraxxx) during the event: Help the Craven Milksop Gain Some Minor Confidence! [4]

Item: A Scandal In France (Streaming Access on Forbidden Library)

Grade: Epic

Description: Video access to a recording within the Forbidden Library. (+18)

Item Note: Nothing Like Enjoying the Eiffel Tower With Aphrodite, Ammirite? [3]

—

"Oh, that's right, Poseidon is the most cucked god in history." Leon chuckled bitterly, "I suppose that threat won't work...."

He shuddered, trying not to think where the god got the inspiration to make King Minos' wife fall in love with a bull that eventually became the famous Minotaur of the Labyrinth.

"Next!" Lindy yelled dryly, breaking him out of his haze. There was a line of women around Leon, getting called like they were at the DMV.

It was an extremely unceremonious process that looked like 20-second rapid therapy sessions, but those watching the stream saw how easy it was for some women to get the leggings!

The more women that confessed, the more confident people became. However, the haremites didn't go crazy due to the beautiful bunny woman next to him.

Tricksie rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet, hands behind her back, playing with an oversized piece of broccoli.

However, it wasn't "broccoli." It was closer to a bonsai tree. And "bonsai tree" referred to a 50-foot maple tree, ready to hit the anti-violence barrier and explode like popping a tube of crescent rolls.

While it couldn't hurt them, it gave them all anxiety knowing it could expand abruptly and also knowing that anyone she tried to hit would die after the Sanctuary barrier disappeared!

***

"So… I think what I'm trying to say is that I love how you treat your women and I'm grateful to be here."

Ding!

—

Event Announcement! Lisa Warshaw has completed the event: Help the Craven Milksop Gain Some Minor Confidence.

…

Lisa Warshaw did not win the hidden reward.

—

"Next!" Lindy yelled.

***

"Sometimes I wish you'd create a list of all the things you don't want to do to a woman and DO THEM TO ME!" A redhead shivered with crazed eyes, enraptured, "But completely consensual. I'd ask every time!"

"I absolutely won't do that...." Leon said in a haze, "But... I respect BDSM and accept your desire for... that?"

Ding!

—

Rachel Moore has won the Hidden Reward.

Reward: 101 Ways Kinky Ways to Get Canceled by Louis C.K.

Grade: Unique

Description: 101 ways to get canceled for acts after securing consent. Written by someone with talent who followed the rules but just so happened to enjoy some super creepy shit.

Warning: Asking for consent will not save you from getting murdered (physically by cute women or career-wise on social media), so follow Leon's example and exercise common sense, especially if you have power.

Warning: BDSM is considered abusive by vanilla people, and consent doesn't matter to them.

Warning: For your safety, do not ask for anything in this book from overly sensitive people regarding sexual topics.

*Warning: For your safety, do not ask for anything in this book from anyone.

Warning: For your safety, do not have sex with rich or powerful people.

*Warning: For your safety, don't have sex.

Warning: Satire will ruin your life, even if it's intentionally ambiguous, but you're consensually living out the story of a sex god candidate in their harem-themed city. So I think you'll be okay reading this book. Lolol jk, read at your own risk.

***

Ding!

—

Lana Mills has won the Hidden Reward.

Reward: Magical Girl Dress by Kyubey

Grade: Unique

Description: A dress that a woman can materialize on demand to make someone look like a cute princess. Perfect for women who want to murder monsters with magic like a Dainty Death Squad member!

Note from Wish Granting God Kyubey: I don't fulfill wishes that would get my girls murdered instantly, as that would be pointless. But here's a dress!

—

***

After the woman got a materializing dress, every beast woman in the area's eyes burned with envy and a desire to confess their soul out! They hated getting naked after every transformation!

One woman in particular cracked, unwilling to wait until Leon flew away to speak to him.

KeeeeRRReR BOOM!

Leon opened his eyes after a dust cloud settled and looked down to find Caitlyn holding a pink-haired cat woman by the hair head in place and Tricksie practicing golfing swings next to her. "Mindy?"

—

[1] - SBF was a person who started FTX, a crypto company. He is currently facing prison time for embezzling billions before his crypto exchange and hedge fund exploded, shredding people's money.

[2] - ERC20 tokens are code blocks that allow developers to build on the Ethereum Blockchain. They're notorious for creating innumerable scams that lead to developers [pulling the rug] out from under projects and stealing everyone's money.

Logan Paul is getting accused of doing that now, and it's turning into a social media blood bath.

[3] - In Greek Mythology, Pasiphaë was the Queen of Crete that gave birth to the Minotaur. The famous story cliff notes leading up to the story of Icarus:

Poseidon: King Minos, sacrifice a bull for me; the gods would die of boredom without snuff films.

King Minos: Coo, I'll murder the fairest of the flock as always.

Poseidon: Bro, it's been like… two days. Where's my steak?

King Minos: Yeah… about that. Can I kill the second-fairest bull this year? It's just a shame, you know? I really love that bull.

Poseidon: Oh, if you love it so much, why don't you fall in love and have sex with it?

King Minos: Bro… what? Not gonna lie… this is getting weird.

Poseidon: Not you; I'm talking to your wife, you cuck! I just used my supreme power as a God to make her hella juicy for that bull. #yolo

King Minos: You're so funny, Poseidon. Hah haha….

*Meanwhile*

Pasiphaë: Damn, that bull's fucking hot.

Cretan Bull: Moooooo?

*Cue Music*

Pasiphaë: Daedalus! I let a bull ride me like an animal for 12 hours last night; now I'm preggo! I need to call in that favor.

Daedelus: Wait, you need me to build you in a mecha bull suit to give birth in!? How talented do you think I am!?

Pasiphaë: You're a genius, Daedalus. I know you can create something that can fool my husband!

Daedelus: Did you just stroke my ego!? I'm in!

lightsΝοvel *5 Seconds After Birth*

King Minos: Is that bull standing on two feet like a fucking human!? I knew it! That's you in there, isn't it, Pasiphaë!? DAEDELUS!

Daedalus: Sir, let me explain. I was just asked to make a mechanical bull for my lady. Please don't kill me!"

King Minos: Silence! If I knew how to kill things, my wife wouldn't feel like a frictionless tunnel, and I wouldn't be spending taxpayer gold for you to build a Labyrinth to keep this thing locked up!

Daedalus: Wait, what? If I build a Labyrinth to keep people out, who will live with the Minotaur?

King Minos: You, you fool! Now take your son Icarus and rot.

*One Labyrinth Later*

Pasiphaë: I'm so sorry, Daedalus. I didn't know NTR would ruin your story!

Daedalus: Always does!

Pasiphaë: Let me help you escape! I'll hold back Minos while you do something.

Daedalus: Cool, do you got a boat?

Pasiphaë: A boat!? You built a damn death Labyrinth, and you're asking for a damn rowboat!?

Daedalus: Fine! I'll make my son a mecha bird.

Pasiphaë: That's the spirit! <3

Icarus: I'm a mecha bird!

Daedalus: No, you should be a mecha bird. Right now, you're a kid with candles for arms because our employer is a cheapskate. So don't fly too high thinking you're a real bird.

Icarus: Don't worry, Dad! The atmosphere cools the higher you get up toward space! The laws of thermodynamics clearly state that these things will melt if I fly away from the sun!

Daedalus! Son, this is Greek Mythology, and your life is a metaphor for the dangers behind NTR. ICARUS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Narrator: Thus, the moral of the story is you get too cocky, you'll crash and burn.

This story proves yet again that humans ignore 98% of what we read for spicy sound bites, NTR ruins stories, and Greek mythology is l creepy af.

The~end.

-

[4] - Gilgamesh was the Sumerian king of Uruk in ancient Mesopotamia (in the middle east, in the middle of Iraq, Syria, and Iran. For perspective, it later became the area of the Christian bible.)

The guy was a massive asshole and NTR superstar that slept with everyone's wife [on their wedding day]. He collected all the wealth and treasures in Babylon and beyond.

Despite his greed and assholetry, he became deified after death. Sounds unjust? Read mythology; he fits right in.

Caesar slept with every senator's wife while they were away on tour. He's the god of Charm and Philandery in this novel, but he matches the situation.

-

[5] - Aphrodite, a sex god, is actually Poseidon's wife! Like still. XD Once again, she's brought into this story because Poseidon was super salty and made Minos' wife fall in love with a bull. I wonder where he got that idea?

Anyway, the video is of the two gods double-teaming her.

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