Martial King's Retired Life

Brain-dead Legend Chapter Two

If it was possible, Song Ou would’ve liked to have vomited his headache out along with the sick feeling in his stomach. He spent a while chucking up before he gradually made out his surroundings, determining he was in a bedroom, through the rays of light. He rubbed his head as he struggled to sit up and called, “M-men.”

“Captain, your loyalest subordinate is right here.” Zha Pi helped Song Ou sit up and passed over a half-full bowl of hot tea. “Tea, Captain.”

Song Ou drank the tea thoughtlessly, then tried to recall what happened between his last memory and how he ended up in the room. Every detail he recalled blanched his face a little more.

Zha Pi set the empty bowl down and queried, “Captain, how was my performance yesterday?”

“Excellent.”

“Thank you.”

“Excellently bad!” If he wasn’t feeling so weak, Song Ou would’ve given Zha Pi a flying side kick.

“Why?”

“What was that nonsense you said when they asked what my grudge with Ming Feizhen was?”

“I was planning to distract them with some nonsense so that we could escape?”

“Then tell them some nonsense! Why did you tell them the truth?! Would anyone not feel sorry for me when you made me sound so tragic? They even want to avenge me now. Their grudges are bigger than mine!”

“That is but a minor issue, Captain. One must not mind the trivial issues if they wish to achieve great things. Think about it, Captain. How many new allies have you gained from this misfortune?”

“What allies? How can Liu Shan Men’s captain associate with the unorthodox faction?”

“You do not want to ally with them?”

“Of course not. How can orthodox and unorthodox be friends?”

“When you joined their conversation, you joined so fast that I could not stop you in time.”

“I just wanted to spectate! I didn’t expect to be dragged into it! And what’s with the stupid name?!”

Song Ou cursed the Nanjiang man in his mind as he recalled everyone shouting, “Long live Yizhen!” Even if the name was necessary for plucking the thorn in his side, every time he heard the name, his brain would turn a little greener.

“Drag you into it? Are you still dreaming?”

“What?” Song Ou’s memories blanked out at the point where everyone started chanting “Long live Yizhen.” Everything that followed was fragmented, but he prayed he quitted the alliance afterwards. “I wasn’t dragged into the alliance?”

“Of course not.” Song Ou was on the cusp of cheering when Zha Pi added, “You are the forefather and patriarch of Yizhen Alliance. You dragged them into it. Who could drag you into it, Captain?“

“… I’m the alliance leader?”

“Yes.” Zha Pi shook his head gently as he expanded, “Despite being a newly established alliance, you have established thirty-eight rules, instated six vice-leaders and yourself as leader. You have a mighty force at your command.”

“Leader?! Why am I the l, ow! Wh-why does it hurt?” Song Ou felt a sharp pain as soon as he hopped off the bed that made him feel as though he’d break into cold sweat. “My back hurts like mad. What happened? It’s like it’s being seared.” Song Ou sat back down on the bed.

“Ah, that.” Zha Pi went out and came back with a bronze mirror. “Take a look at your back.”

With Zha Pi’s help, Song Ou managed to twist his torso enough for a view of his back. All the scabs on his back had started bleeding again due to his vigorous movements. The writing on his back resembled demented worms that couldn’t decide which way they were supposed to wriggle their bodies. There were many mistakes made in the writing, which required them to be crossed out. The line written up the top in small font read, “Just as the sun will always rise in the east, I will never be defeated.”

Song Ou covered the ground in a mouthful of his own blood, prompting Zha Pi to hurriedly help him up, but not without groaning, “Man, I just mopped the floor.”

“Wh-wh-wh-what the hell is this?!”

“Uh, it is a first-class battle scar. No ordinary man could take so many cuts and not bat an eye. Yue Fei only had four characters carved onto his back. You had more than double. I look up to you from the bottom of my heart.”

“I look up to you from the bottom of my bum crack!” Rejuvenated, Song Ou checked his back again. “Who did this?! Who! Did this?! Why are there so many errors?!”

“You told them to carve it on, though,” Zha Pi answered in a confused tone.

“Why would I do that?!”

“That is minor. Had we not stopped you, you would have slit your own throat. You said you wanted to swear an oath with your carotid blood. We went through a lot of effort to stop you, but then you started crying that a true man must shed blood, so you had a dozen people carve text onto your back. They started cutting away as soon as they drew their blades, and you did not bat an eye. Honestly, it was an amazing scene to behold.”

“B-b-b-but what is this of all things?” Song Ou kept checking the text over and over.

“That was your wish.”

“Me? Again?”

“Indeed. You said, besides Yizhen Alliance, you wanted to establish ‘Bird Worship Cult’. To that end, you wanted to remove your pants and flash your bird on the spot. We expended a lot of effort to stop you, but you were adamant about leaving the text even if you could not flash yourself. You are the one who came up with the text. Lan Jiqiong said the others had terrible calligraphy, so he personally carved the small text at the top for you.”

“What was paper invented for?!”

Song Ou thought he’d be able to start expanding his power after all he went through, but now he would have to take half a month off, or he might not even be able to walk around.

“Idiots. All they did was play me for a fool. What about the real goal?!”

“It is going forwards, of course. Have you forgotten that, as well?”

“What?”

Zha Pi folded his arms. “Possessed by Zhuge Liang and Guan Yu, while you were letting them carve on your back with your pants down, you shared your strategy.”

“Wh-what did I… Wait, wait. Didn’t I not pull my pants down in the end?”

“Oh, that was at the start. When we stopped paying attention to it, you pulled them down.”

Song Ou’s cheeks inflated with blood, prompting him to cover his mouth, but some still leaked from the gaps. “Wh-what was my strategy?”

Zha Pi extended a thumb. “That would be assassination.”

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