My Servant Is An Elf Knight From Another World



Today I learned Irene was a loser.

A very, very sore loser.

I won this bout fair and square, claimed the ultimate victory after the ocean's worth of blood, sweat, and tears I filled, and what does Irene have to say about it?

"You cheated." 

No cheers, no flinging her arms around in revelry, not even a smile. Both arms tightly crossed over her chest, and wearing pure indifference as her shield that hid the burning envy and bitterness that her heavily arched brows only barely hinted at. 

Needless to say, I was both shocked and appalled by such a crude and cruel unwarranted assassination of my perfect character, certainly only made out of a moment of spite and lots and lots of salty tears. 

But the flawless, merciful supreme being I was, I chose to turn the other cheek, and promptly corrected her skewed understanding of reality as best as I could.

"Did not."

"Did too." 

"Proof?"

"Proof?" Irene went slack-jawed, her confidence already crumbling beneath my dominant smile. "Oh, stop smirking. I'm going to punch you." 

"Whatever you want, any way you can," I said, distancing myself a couple of paces just in case. "Those were your rules and I complied." 

"Yes, in terms of how you were gonna fight me, not for—!"

"And I fought you with words," I quickly interrupted. "Some might say that what you say is just as important as what you do. You're you, Irene. I mean, you should know a thing or two about the power of some well-chosen words yourself, right? " 

Logic and facts had her completely gobsmacked. Her lips writhed silently in indignance. She knew I was right. And she hated that I was right. 

"Fine, fine!" She burst out in defeat, the cool, stoic detective being replaced by a bumbling, loveable mess. "There's merit to that, but still! You weren't supposed to use—argh! I didn't expect you to—!"

"Whatever the hell I want," I repeated once again, walking back up, and patting her shoulder in comfort. "Irene, I won. Sorry. Better luck next time." 

Irene rolled her eyes, letting out a long, heavy breath scoffing at the absurdity of it all, but slowly, eventually, she came around to the idea, enough to even muster the faintest smile on her lips.

"Okay, sure, whatever you say," she said, finally, truly conceding. "You got me."

I was thrilled. More than I quite honestly expected myself to be. Like a little kid who had managed to reach the elevator first and press the big glowy button. 

"That was pretty good, right? You didn't even see it coming," I said to her, gloating. 'Cause apparently, I'm that kind of guy now. "C'mon, you gotta admit that was a bit smart on my part." 

"Oh, yes, very clever," she said, the dryness of her tone putting it right back in my place. "Only needed to exploit my feelings for you to finally get a win against me. Now why does that sound familiar?"

"Ah…" I laughed it off, sweeping that question deep down the rug where it hopefully won't pop back up somehow. "Surely just your imagination." 

"Mmm-hmm," She just stared, eyes heavy on the scrutiny. "I wonder about that." 

After that, training went on for a little while longer. And sadly I was never able to replicate my prior success. I don't know if it was just my imagination, but during the midst of things, Irene just seemed a little more… passionate about my education. 

Or at least, something had definitely taken a turn because I kept finding myself eating dirt so much more frequently than before. She's more aggressive, keeps finding openings to exploit, and either I was just totally acting complacent after one-upping for once, or that she really had been taking it easy on me since the very beginning. 

But, I mean… psh… that… surely that can't be it, right?

Right?

Before long, as the evening stretched on, it was growing more difficult to even see my own two fists in front of me. Night made it near impossible to continue on any longer. So, the obvious happened.

Irene dismissed the class. Leaving the total number of wins in the ring tallied at one to… uh… insert random astronomical number here because you shouldn't dwell on your failures in life, right?

"All things considered, you did very well for your first lesson." 

As we hiked on back toward civilization, Irene kept herself close, leading the way forward always at an arm's reach from me. Probably her way of making sure I could easily keep up. Leaving the training grounds meant also leaving the doses of energy it provided me. So that paints an easy picture of the overall state I was in currently. 

"As I said, quick on your feet, in the moment-to-moment," Irene kept on with the after-battle assessment. "Just need to refine your movement, right now you're still very… mmm… rambunctious with your punches." 

"Slow and steady," I said, lumbering on. "Just slow and steady." 

She threw me a quick glance, a quick look of concern. "Are you alright?" 

"Tired," I admitted, blinking my eyes rapidly to keep them from blanking. "But, yeah, other than that… I'm alright." 

Apparently, I must have also left the cruel and merciless Sensei behind in the field. Beside me, Irene's disposition suddenly shifted to something more soft and gentle. 

"Cabin's not far off, I still have the key," she said. "We'll rest there for a while." 

"Music to my ears," I said, relieved and reinvigorated by the news. "Need a bed, a place to rest my head. Actually, maybe your lap would do too." 

Irene just snorted at that, leaving things ambiguous, and leaving there to ponder. 

"So is that a yes, then?" 

Her gaze regained some of its intensity, glaring at me slightly. But it seemed she couldn't keep it for very long. 

"M-Maybe," she replied stiffly. "We'll see." 

Hell yeah. Alright, I'm counting that as a win. That's two points in my corner now.

"You still haven't told me what you wanted, by the way," Irene quietly said. "Second time asking. A third time would make me seem desperate, so just tell me what you want now before we get to that point, alright?"

Right. I almost forgot we left this discussion hanging back there. Of course, I'm all to blame for that. But even now, actually giving the thought and consideration it deserves, yeah… sentiments still the same as ever. 

"It's useless to ask me that, Irene," I told her. "Ash, Adalia, anyone else asking, I'll tell them the exact same thing. I already got everything I could ever want."

"Right. The poor, rich man," she said dryly. "Utterly clueless with his wants being surrounded by a surplus of love and adoration in all his waking moments. Whatever is he to do?"

"I know what he's definitely not doing," I said. "Telling anyone what he wants for his birthday." 

"What a mystery." 

"Exactly," I said. "Perfect for an astute, ace detective, no?" 

"No, no thanks. Don't make me guess," Irene groaned wearily. "I rather you just give me a straight answer and - " 

"If Christmas has taught me anything, it is that the best gifts come from the unexpected," I interjected. "So, in other words, surprise me." 

"Surprise you?" 

"Did it before, remember?" I said, giving the vial against my chest a quick shake. "Just do it again. Or don't. Maybe just give me a peck on the lips. I'll still love you forever either way." 

"No, that's different," Irene said, her exasperation perfectly conveyed by a snap of twig under her feet. "Before there was precedent. No expectations. No pressure. Now, I need to get you something that matches that and I… I don't have a clue what that might be. That's why I'm asking." 

Hearing her words resonated something deeply inside my soul. Her conundrum moved me, maybe even to tears. It wasn't that long ago where I was having the same thought as her. And as a kindred soul, I wished only to assure her.

"Pick up a pebble, tie a bow around it. There, now you've matched it."

Irene gave me a long, long look. 

"Listen, I know what you mean by that," she shook her head. "But I'm not doing that. It can't just be anything." 

"Sure it can." 

"No, it can't. It has to mean something, I need it to mean something. This is your birthday we're talking about. It's important. I don't want… I don't want to give you just any random gift, alright?"

Again, I heard her loud and clear. Her insistence, her intentions, all of it. And I get it. Reverse the situation, say if I was in her place instead… yeah, I probably would be saying the exact same thing as her.

But alas… I still had nothing on offer to save her from this plight. So I got thinking, like, really thinking. 

What could I possibly want from her?

"I've been mulling on this for a long while now," she muttered. "Had a couple of ideas. They weren't very good ideas." 

I glanced at her. "Ideas like…?" 

"Another accessory to give you, make you something special to eat maybe," fleetingly, I saw her lips squirming. "Birthday sex…" 

I was still glancing at her, only much, much wider now. "Oh?" 

"I'm not elaborating," she said sharply. "Look, just tell me once you got something for me, alright? This is important. Consider this your homework for today. Think of som

ething, understand?" 

So I got homework now, do I?

"Understood, Sensei," I replied diligently. "I'll do my best."

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