Chapter 269: Although the way of identifying was discovered, using it turned out to be a crime.
Day 65 – Nighttime, Capital, the Souvenir Store, the Orphanage Branch
Poor private guards, who are sent one after another from the aristocratic district, seem to have gone missing, every single one. That must’ve been scary, that must’ve been terrifying, going through that endless pseudo Fushimi Inari-taisha’s¹ line of torii as each time they walk through a narrow pass, their comrades would vanish. That must’ve been dreadful. And no matter if they press forward or turn back, they find themselves unable to escape the endless path of torii continuing both ways… The path that continues until there is no one left.
Yeah, so basically, the ground here is like a conveyor belt. In truth, they aren’t moving anywhere, you know? Well, there are some illusions in the mix as well? Sort of?
No one can enter the slums without authorization now. I distributed 『Ring of the Poor』 to the people from the slums, but others need either authorization or a guidance to enter. Yup, I’m not letting anyone in, alright? I won’t allow anyone to steal or plunder anything from here anymore, from today on this is the rip-off district. From now on it is the slums that are going to rip others off.
By the way 『Ring of the Poor』 are splendid magic stone rings with PoW SpE DeX 10% Up and even +DEF, but for some reason the girls got angry? I got lectured for it. Hm, I wonder what displeased them?
However… The barrier device’s fuel consumption is too poor. It’s fine while I’m supplying it with mana, but trying to cover it with magic stones will result in huge losses. Looks like it needs optimization, fuel economy, and miniaturization improvements.
And the only way to enter the slums without the ring is through a straight path leading to this 『Souvenir Store, Sort of Orphanage Branch Office? Kind of?』. The long long road adorned by torii. The Souvenir Store is the only destination one can reach through it, with stepping out of the torii meaning you go missing.
The customers that visit outside of working hours will be turned away. Missing, and spirited away.
Naturally, since they are spirited away, it’s as good as proven that it’s the Old Fart’s² responsibility and I’ve done nothing wrong, innocent and blameless, case open and closed, bang bang, speaking of which, I’d like to have bang bang chicken³ but the lack of ingredients for Chinese dishes is troubling. Yeah, the way to mapo tofu promises to be quite steep.
「They are here again?」「Ah, he vanished!」「Where did the ones that disappeared just now go?」「Going through those torii at night is spooky, isn’t it~? 」「But 『Spirited away』, huh. Wasn’t someone making traps there?」「「「Yeah, there are tons of manmade contraptions, but all of the responsibility is shifted to the god.」」」
In the spaces between the endlessly continuing torii I have placed solemn and oppressive-looking giant statues of twelve arhats! And putting the opponents on guard against them, I drop intruders into pitfalls.
Yeah, the basements are accumulating middle-aged men at an amazing speed. I’m actually wondering how I should clean that up. Since it’s middle-aged men we are talking about, it’s either incineration or dumping them into the white room.
But why is this world constantly suffering from middle-aged men outbreaks? Why are the middle-aged men of this world all flocking to me? When I discussed this with the Geeks, it seemed that most of the characters in stories of this sort are supposed to be cute girls? But here, it’s nothing but a constant flow of middle-aged men, no matter how many I burn or drown.
It will soon push an easily irritable highschool boy into accelerating development of the middle-aged men annihilation weapon. I wonder, what is actually middle-aged men’s weakness…? Aunties? No, anything but that! Mass importing aunties for the sake of middle-aged men annihilation will eventually lead to outbreak of veteran maidens war that will doom the world. That’s right, it’s the ultimate weapon capable of destroying the world, which must never be used.
「「「Onii-chan, good night. 」」」
「Yeah, sleep well, or rather, children grow in their sleep? So hurry up and go to bed? Kind of? But make sure to avoid tragic nonexistent development despite lots of sleep like a certain Shrimp, alright? Good night? Sort of?」
Looks like the older kids are going to sleep as well… Well, bigger kids? I mean, almost all of the kids here are of unknown age. From what I see, even older kids look a bit older than ten, but since they are lacking in nutrition, their growth is likely delayed. Well, as long as they are lively and healthy it doesn’t really matter. I mean, we do have an overly energetic little thing who, despite eating more than enough, is so delayed in growth that it seems to be going in reverse, so it should be fine.
Apparently, the girls are going to teach the children while also operating the store. They’ll overtake the educational standards of this world in an instant. If those children learn reading, writing, calculations and get knowledge of commerce, I’ll be able to entrust this store to them when they grow up. They’ll be able to operate the orphanage too. Then, let’s sort everything out before then. So they won’t be disappointed when they grow up, so they still can dream even after they wake up.
「But damn, here I thought I’d burn the annoying aristocratic district turning it into a vacant plot and then perhaps lure some dungeon here and throw the nobles in there… But turns out, the Confederation will run away if we have a 『Mysterious Noblemen Dungeon Massacre』?⁴ The damage is still not big enough so it’s too early to let them off, but those nobles from the aristocratic district are pissing me off, so I’m currently looking for lovely harassment ideas? Kind of? Authors of winning ideas will receive deluxe manju sets as a present, that automatically comes along with voluntary ONE MORE SET? Sort of?」
「「「Oooh! Deluxe Manjuu set!」」」
With this they will think seriously about this. However, it doesn’t seem like they have any intentions of seriously thinking about ONE MORE SET? Rather, it’s like they are actively trying not to think about it!
It would be an issue if I did something, but not doing anything pisses me off? Even so, I wonder what would make nobles suffer? Not only do I know too few nobles, they also don’t seem as reliable cases to consider as examples. I mean, it’s that Meripapa family we are talking about? Alright, let’s ask that big-wig from the capital? I’d also like to ask him about lewd stores in the Capital, but for some reason, 『Search』 is picking up 20 enemies nearby. And they are probably equipped with morning stars, so adult stores seem out of the question.
Alright, check the Royal Palace with Detect Presence, the important middle-aged man is… Outside? Aah, perhaps the barracks? He seems to live a rather simple life despite his position.
「Knock-knock? No, it’s not a knock-knock joke? Erm, it’s the nice young man in so-called managing position, which is actually a self-exploitative abusive independent business, that you met at the souvenir store? Hm, I just opened a branch in the Capital, but for some reason I’ve got a sudden urge to close up the store! Actually, I have a few questions for the Big-Wig from the Second Division, may I come in? If you are doing something lewd I’ll wait until you are done? I also welcome observing inside, but if it’s a BL situation I’m burning the Capital to ashes, okay?」
Well, judging by the presence he is alone, so he shouldn’t be doing anything lewd, but if he does, it will turn the mood very awkward! Or rather, I don’t want to enter!!
「Welcome, there was no need for you to personally visit such a squalid place, if you only summoned me, I would’ve immediately answered. Is there some sort of urgent concern?」
And for some reason, the important middle-aged man broke out into a laugh when I asked him about what would vex, annoy, and infuriate nobles? Apparently, they already had plenty of that. Nope, that’s nowhere near enough. I haven’t done enough, or rather, I’m yet to do anything at all?
Butー
「Didn’t you erect that beautiful and yet solemn wooden complex? And even put up a barrier against intruders? That is the biggest slap to their faces. Today as well, they spent the entire day throwing a fuss and raving like lunatics from irritation caused by that, so the effect is quite sufficient.」
I merely remodeled the house though? Like, rundown shack – before/after? Sort of?
「Simply having the poor folk of the slums living in a more luxurious and magnificent building, looking down on them, is driving them into a crazy uproar. You surely find that ridiculous, but for the nobles made up entirely out of that ridiculous vanity without a shred of actual pride, that is the worst harassment. Apparently, more than a dozen noblemen got so agitated from indignation that they ended up collapsing and are still confined to their beds.」
They might perish at this rate? Like, being too much of dumbasses they might perish to their own idiocy before I even do anything. Getting looked down on by the poor they are dropping down like flies after getting so infuriated that their blood vessels pop. More than a dozen are yet to recover. Which means, the nobles will come to buy mushrooms even at heavily overcharged prices, and since after recovering they will still be getting looked down, they will go into another temper tantrum that continues into them collapsing and having to buy more mushrooms? I see… In that case, by the time they get used to the situation, we should just look down on them with all our might from Kiyomizu Temple. And if we throw some trash on them from above they will probably collapse in droves again, and then I can rip them off on mushrooms again! Yay, a perfect get-rich quick scheme!
Thanking him and leaving some manju I returned to the Souvenir Store, by the time I made it back the girls had already finished bathing.
Today, it’s going to be three girls at once. However, Bitch B, C, and D are… The bitches are really hard to tell apart, so difficult that even if they were to switch places there is a high chance that I wouldn’t notice? And with B, C, and D together I can’t tell which is which at all! At this rate I might end up unable to tell them apart by their faces, while recognizing them by their breasts. That is bound to negatively affect the Affection Rating of a highschool boy on a scale never seen before. I mean, being able to properly identify someone by looking at the chest while having no idea who they are while looking at their face is a bit… Affection Rating might go below the possible lower limit of detection!
「Let me just say this before we start— Please, don’t bite my head, alright? There is no head wound blood fountain service available, okay? Or rather, isn’t making someone offer service while biting their head is just coercion? So please don’t go crunch on me? Garigari-kun?⁵ Garigari Leader?」
「「「We told you we aren’t biting! In the first place, have we ever gone to crunch you even once!?! Also, there won’t be Evolution into something Leader, we aren’t Bitches, but we aren’t Garigari-kun either!」」」
Oh no, I can’t even tell who is saying what! Everyone has above average height, long legs, and small faces⁶, basically, built like barbies. And with them constantly changing hairstyles, swapping clothes between five of them, experimenting with outfits, and going crunch, it’s absolutely impossible to tell them apart! The difficulty is on the level of a high difficulty trick question in a shuffle quiz. Just when I thought that it might get easier to identify them as they stopped using makeup, it turns out that even their facial features are similar! Moreover, it seems they still have some cosmetics left, which they seem to have very lightly applied, once again changing the feel to their appearance. Should I just attach B, C, D tags to them already?
And even their bust sizes were exactly the same! If a doppelganger appeared in the mix no one would be able to tell whose doppel it is, making their mimicry completely redundant, leading to doppelganger bullying issue! But sensations that comes from 『Evil Hands』 seem to differ? Although the size is roughly the same, the firmness and elasticity are different. And even with the same size, the shapes and even weight are different? Looks like bra making has a lot of depth to it, but should a highschool boy be stepping into those depths though? But why am I pursuing the essence of the brassiere path in another world? Yeah, reaching that point always weirds out?
「Kya!」「Ah!」「Mmmm!!」
Why are you showing individuality here when even your lines are the same?! Does that mean that I have to measure someone’s chest with 『Evil Hands』 to identify them? That’s actually an actual criminal act that will get one arrested even if no one sues?!
「Ha!」「Aah!!」「Uuum!」
Bitch D is the only one using 4 letters… No, such a way of telling them apart won’t do any good. Like, the moment I try it many things will be in threat!
I’m so tired of retorting to this that it feels like my retorting ability is being put to a test, but even so, I will say it!
「Or rather, Armored Pres-san, forget making gaps between fingers, you are covering my mouth while giving full FREEDOM to the eyes! Why is the supposed blindfold covering my mouth, I can see everything even with my mouth covered. Obviously. I’d be shocked if I couldn’t see because my eyes got covered! Ah, I’m tired of retorting to this!」
Alright, it’s done… They told me that it sometimes hurts because the tips are rubbing, so I tried changing the weaving for that area, but it seems there is a need to develop a new material. There is no end to new issues to resolve. But tips, they say… The tips.
「Alright, it’s time for the bottom (shorts) now, so please, cover my eyes? That’s the nose, okay? No, you are definitely doing this on purpose, I mean, there is no way to mistake a nose for eyes? You can instantly tell the difference the moment you touch it? And she is going tehepero!」
As expected, one can’t underestimate the Ex-Dungeon Emperor.
Well, covering eyes is sort of too late by now? The girls are sort of twitching?
Since bottoms (shorts) are done too, you can go back? Yeah, not happening, as expected.
(((Twitch-Twitch)))
I wonder how Slime-san is doing?
But even the way they went down is the same. With things being like this, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell them apart. There are slight differences to their twitching and trembling, but as expected, remembering them by the way they are twitching would be a problem?
Anyway… Let’s put underwear and clothes on them.
[TL Notes:
[1] Fushimi Inari-taisha – is the head shrine of the kami Inari, located in Fushimi-ku, Kyoto, Kyoto Prefecture, Japan. The shrine sits at the base of a mountain also named Inari which is 233 meters (764 ft) above sea level, and includes trails up the mountain to many smaller shrines which span 4 kilometers (2.5 mi) and take approximately 2 hours to walk up. A very memorable feature of this shrine that often pops up on photos is its endless line of torii, with the number of them close to 1000, each of which was donated by a Japanese business, perhaps due to the fact that while Inari was originally and remains primarily the kami of rice and agriculture, merchants and manufacturers also seem to revere Inari as the patron of business. Yes, it is THAT Inari, with prominent fox symbolism and tens of thousands of shrines all over Japan. The tradition of donating torii seems to be still alive despite starting all that way in Edo era, with the new ones being added to the path to this day.
[2] The way “Spirited away” is written in Japanese is 神隠し, to break it down very simply, 神 (God/gods) + 隠し (hidden), so basically, hidden by gods.
[3] Traditionally, it consisted of deep fried chicken pieces served cold with a spicy mayo sauce. It got its name from the bang-bang of the cleaver used by the street vendors to cut the chicken into small pieces.
[4] There is a bit of a pun going on. His words can be read both as “Murder by putting into a dungeon” and “Unsolved murder”. As were he to carry it out it would’ve sort of become both.
[5] Garigari-kun (ガリガリ君, literally “Mr. Crunchy”) is the name of a famous Japanese ice pop brand and its mascot, created in 1981 by the ice cream company.
[6] Just to make it clear, “Small face” should be considered a compliment here. It’s a part of beauty standards shared by several Asian countries, Japan and Korea are likely the most prominent examples. This is not literally a “small face” related to the surface area it has on the head.
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