The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System

Chapter 97 – EXTRA: A Record of the Wedding

Shen Qingqiu fanned himself as he walked. He had walked for a short distance before suddenly realizing that the clingy man who had been right behind him the whole trip had fallen behind. He turned his head to look back.

Luo Binghe stood in place, lost in thought as he gazed at something.

“Binghe? What are you looking at?” asked Shen Qingqiu, surprised.

Only then did Luo Binghe return to his senses. He had a faintly dazed expression as he replied, “Shizun, I…”

Shen Qingqiu’s bafflement increased. He walked back, looking in the direction Luo Binghe had been gazing at before. The only thing he could see was an average-sized residence, surrounded by a group of noisy and lively people. They were all crowding around the two people dressed from head to toe in bright red, making it impossible to see the faces of the newlyweds as they walked into the residence’s courtyard amidst the clamoring voices.

Since the streets were already noisy, he hadn’t noticed at all that there had been a couple getting married there.

At the main gate of the residence remained two young servant girls, each one standing with a basket filled with sweets1 to give to passersby. They called out in clear and sharp voices, “Share in the happiness!” “Share in the happiness!”

Shen Qingqiu’s first thought was a complete killjoy, “Is the groom’s household haunted?”

Yet no matter how he looked at it he couldn’t detect anything abnormal in the place. He was about to question him further when Luo Binghe set off on his own towards the house. The two young servants had never before seen such a handsome man. They were both so stupefied when they raised their heads that they completely forgot to hand out the sweets. Still, Luo Binghe calmly took some from the girls himself.

Having finally gotten the wedding sweets, Luo Binghe was completely satisfied as he returned to Shen Qingqiu’s side. He said, “Let’s go, Shizun.”

Shen Qingqiu nodded.

The two men walked side by side for a while. Luo Binghe was still playing around in his hands with the two round candies wrapped in red and he would sometimes turn his head to look back at that joyful residence, where people kept walking in and out; he seemed to be lost in thought.

Shen Qingqiu asked, “What’s going on with that house?”

Luo Binghe had a blank look as he asked, “What is Shizun referring to?”

Shen Qingqiu replied, “Nothing in particular; why do you keep looking back at it? You don’t even care much for sweets.”

Luo Binghe suddenly understood. He spoke with a smile, “It’s nothing. I was just sharing in the happiness, that’s all.”

He had spoken those words very earnestly. Shen Qingqiu couldn’t stop himself from giving a tiny smile as he said, “This master doesn’t seem to recall you believing in these things. Could it be that you have never seen someone get married before?”

Luo Binghe replied, “I’ve seen it in passing, I just never thought this kind of thing had anything to do with me.”

Shen Qingqiu asked with surprise, “You never thought before about which girl you’d end up marrying in the future?”

Luo Binghe shook his head. Shen Qingqiu didn’t think this was plausible. He continued, “Really? You didn’t think about it even a bit?”

No matter what, Luo Binghe… that is, the previous Luo Binghe, had been a stud2, so how did he end up going as far as not having any sort of happy prospects for his future? Moreover, according to Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky, the absolute GOAT3, Luo Binghe’s “happy prospects” shouldn’t be simply to marry one beautiful woman, they should be to get a number of beautiful wives that added up at least to the three digits… Of course, Shen Qingqiu knows that the current Luo Binghe wouldn’t do that, but how could he have never thought about it? How could he think it had nothing to do with him?

Luo Binghe thought about it before saying, “In the past, I really never did think about it.”

Shen Qingqiu, at last, noticed his use of ‘in the past’. He thoughtlessly teased him, “What do you mean, then? Do you think it has something to do with you now?”

Unexpectedly, Luo Binghe didn’t answer this time.

After this incident, Shen Qingqiu wasn’t sure if he was just seeing things but he kept feeling as if Luo Binghe was particularly vigorous the following nights; his poor old man hips and legs also suffered a lot more than before.

Every couple of months the two of them would return to the Cang Qiong Mountains to ‘visit the family’, so when the people in the mountain caught sight of them they wouldn’t gawk at the strange sight anymore, they would just gather around them eagerly.

Qi Qingqi spoke, “Eh? What’s this? Isn’t this the Qing Jing Peak’s Peak Lord? You’re back again? What a rare guest!”

Shen Qingqiu said, “It is so.”

Qi Qingqi asked, “Did you bring any of the Demon Clan’s local specialties this time? Other than

the one next to you.”

Shen Qingqiu thought to himself, “Luo Binghe clearly sprouted in the Human Realm. There’s no way you can count him as a Demon Clan specialty, right?” He instead said, “Even if I brought them there’s no one who would eat them, so I just didn’t bring them.”

He suddenly saw a young man coming towards them, holding something strange. He said, “Liu-Shidi, I trust you have been well since we last parted? I… what’s this!”

Liu Qingge’s face was wooden as he picked up the thing Shen Qingqiu had hurled back at him – a creature taking its dying breaths. He threw it at Shen Qingqiu once more and said, “It’s a short-haired monster. Eat it.”

Shen Qingqiu threw it back again, “I’m not eating it! The one you gave me years ago is already an absolute mammoth of a creature and it’s still growing. It keeps gnawing at the bamboo in Qing Jing Peak all day. I don’t want this!”

The two men kept tossing it back and forward, the short-furred monster shrieking in the air. Wei Qingwei said, “Shen-Shixiong, I think it might be better this way. If you put the two short-furred demons together, a male and a female, maybe they’ll gnaw at each other and stop gnawing at your bamboo.”

“And what if they are both male?”

“……”

Usually, as soon as Liu Qingge showed up the temperature around Luo Binghe would immediately drop with his cold aura; he would be bitingly sarcastic and openly hostile. Yet that day he seemed somewhat preoccupied/absent-minded. He didn’t say a word as he stood beside Shen Qingqiu, a situation Shen Qingqiu was unaccustomed to.

He wasn’t the only one unaccustomed to it, the others also found it unusual. The Cang Qiong Mountain Sect Peak Lords had all gathered around with the single purpose of chit-chatting, and usually they could all go on talking about this and that trivial matter until half the day was gone, yet that day the exchange was particularly short. Normally they would also still want to go share a meal at Zui Xian Peak, but, seeming to be taking into account Luo Binghe’s strange mood, no one brought that up either. Qi Qingqi pulled Shen Qingqiu over and asked, “What’s wrong with your disciple?”

Shen Qingqiu said, “What do you mean?”

Qi Qingqi said, “The way your disciple is today… Did you two fight?”

Shen Qingqiu replied, “We didn’t.”

His expression remained calm and collected, yet his hand slightly tightened around his fan.

Qi Qingqi said, “Oh, that’s good then. I still feel like your disciple was acting very odd today, like he’s holding something in.”

Shen Qingqiu had that same feeling.

Luo Binghe kept acting in that same odd way until they returned to the bamboo house.

Shen Qingqiu had just sat on the bamboo divan when he suddenly heard a loud crash from the entryway. He rushed past the screen to see Luo Binghe collapsed on the ground and Ming Fan and Ning Yingying standing dumbstruck at the side.

Shen Qingqiu moved to help Luo Binghe up and asked, “What happened?”

Luo Binghe started to say, “Noth…” but he couldn’t finish it before Ming Fan had already shouted over him, “Shizun, Luo Binghe tripped over the threshold!”

Shen Qingqiu went silent, “…….”

Luo Binghe glowered at Ming Fan, making him shrink back in fright. Shen Qingqiu hurriedly said, “Break it up now and go back. Get ready for tomorrow’s morning classes.”

After the bamboo house’s door was closed, Luo Binghe sat in silence by the table. Shen Qingqiu looked at the red bump on his forehead, letting out a long sigh, “What’s been going with you these past few days?”

Luo Binghe remained silent, not saying a word.

Shen Qingqiu said, “Don’t flail around, just sit down obediently. This master will get you a wet compress.”

He turned around and headed to the water basin. He had just been wringing the cloth when he suddenly heard another loud crash coming from behind him. He turned his head in alarm to find Luo Binghe once again flat on the floor.

Shen Qingqiu had a muddled expression, but he worried that Luo Binghe was too dizzy to stand by himself without losing balance so he rushed to him, saying, “Are you…”

Who would have thought that at that moment his hand would be firmly grasped by Luo Binghe and he’d ask, “Shizun, would you allow me to take your hand in marriage?”

A crack appeared on Shen Qingqiu’s face.

Luo Binghe saw how his face changed colors and hurriedly said, “Shizun, if you don’t wish to… you can take mine instead!”

Seeing as Shen Qingqiu didn’t reply, Luo Binghe asked again in a stiff voice, “Shizun, are you willing, with me…”

His Adam’s apple quivered more and more, and his voice started trembling too, “… with me… to build a family with me4?”

Shen Qingqiu had yet to answer and the fire in Luo Binghe’s eyes was beginning to dim.

It was only quite a while later that Luo Binghe, in a hoarse voice, spoke again, “Shizun, if you aren’t willing, I… I…”

Shen Qingqiu said, “Wait.”

“You…” he pondered for a while and then said, “So the reason you’ve been acting so strange the last few days is because you wanted to ask me this?”

Luo Binghe gazed at him unwaveringly and carefully nodded.

Shen Qingqiu felt that his next sentence was too difficult to utter, “This can be considered a… propo… propo…?”

Luo Binghe took the lead in helping him find his words, “This disciple is proposing to you, Shizun.”

Shen Qingqiu, “…….”

He sat by the table with his face buried in his hands, knowing neither what to say or do; he should just be thinking this whole thing was absurd. Although he had been in a relationship with Luo Binghe for a while, he never thought he would really end up… somehow proposing to him.

Heavens! The word ‘propose’ was really terrifying for a young man like him!

Moreover, just how many times had Luo Binghe rehearsed in secret just to be able to say these few words? He was acting so nervous, completely unlike himself, not uttering a single word while everyone else spoke, tripping over himself while walking through the door, even stuttering when he spoke.

Yet, he actually did not want to ridicule him nor did he want to put on an act to hide his true thoughts — In fact, Shen Qingqiu was panic-stricken because he found out a most frightful thing; that is, that he was unexpectedly just a little bit happy.

Luo Binghe was still clearly tense, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down when he saw Shen Qingqiu raise his head from where it hid in his hands. Seemingly having wanted to speak already, he hurriedly said, “Shizun, if you do not wish to, you don’t need to answer the question! Do-Don’t answer. I, I can understand what you mean anyway, you don’t need to say it out loud. It’s alright. If you think this is troublesome you don’t need to pay heed to me, you can take it as a joke, it’s nothing..”

Shen Qingqiu swung his fan down on Luo Binghe’s head, making a resounding “pa”. He said, “Nothing my ass!”

Luo Binghe’s head was unexpectedly struck by a fan. He touched his head, blinking once and again. He didn’t understand why he’d been hit. Shen Qingqiu on the other hand was terribly annoyed by his innocent expression.

Just a moment ago he still was secretly happy, and the very next moment the damn boy goes, “It’s nothing, no need to answer. Take it as a joke!”

Because of that last sentence, Shen Qingqiu flew into a rage, swinging his fan repeatedly, “So you can crack jokes about this kind of thing?!”

Luo Binghe obediently took the thrashing, saying in an aggrieved voice, “I was wrong…”

Shen Qingqiu said, “No doubt you were! And your teacher almost wanted to say yes to you!”

“I…” Luo Binghe was about to continue admitting the error of his ways when he unexpectedly went blank. He very cautiously said, “Shizun, what did you say?”

Shen Qingqiu said, “Nothing,”

Luo Binghe pressed him, “Shizun!”

Shen Qingqiu sighed. He didn’t speak. Instead, he raised one hand to motion Luo Binghe over.

Luo Binghe moved over and watched Shen Qingqiu’s gesture at him. Luo Binghe was so familiar with the way Shen Qingqiu moved that there was no need for him to speak for Luo Binghe to understand what he wanted. Luo Binghe obediently poured wine into a cup, before Shen Qingqiu seized the wine pot and poured another one for him, gesturing for him to pick it up.

Luo Binghe spoke, “Shizun, this is…”

Shen Qingqiu picked up his own cup and wound his arm around Luo Binghe’s.

A split second passed before a blooming brightness spread over Luo Binghe’s pretty face.

His hands shook to the point of almost losing his grip on the cup and his arms trembled frighteningly. Shen Qingqiu had his arm overlapped with his, and was nearly made to spill the wine over his own chest.

Luo Binghe said, “I, I, I thought… I thought…”

Shen Qingqiu spoke, his face blank, “You thought you’d certainly be rejected.”

Luo Binghe, “…”

Shen Qingqiu continued, “That’s why you said you didn’t want to hear the answer. You felt you’d be rejected for sure.”

Luo Binghe said, “… I was too anxious.”

He looked into Shen Qingqiu’s eyes and said, “Shizun, the other day you asked if I’d never before thought about these things, didn’t you? I truly never did.”

Shen Qingqiu said, “You can think about them.”

What’s wrong with dreaming? Is it illegal? A dream can very well turn real one day!

Luo Binghe said, “In my youth, I felt I was the kind of person who was unlikely to earn others’ love, so I never thought I would have someone who would want me.”

Shen Qingqiu said, “You thought wrong…”

“Later on,” Luo Binghe continued, “I had you, Shizun. Shizun, you are already by my side, yet I still can’t control my anxiety. I think about a time when you will leave me. I don’t know what I should do. I want to become stronger, to become better. I feel like I’m still not enough. It’s still… hard to control my fear.”

Shen Qingqiu could only look at him. After a while, he rubbed his head and sighed, “Binghe, you…”

Luo Binghe said, “I don’t know what to do either.”

Shen Qingqiu said, “Then push aside your thoughts, just do it.”

Two shichen5 later, the two men sat on the bed facing each other, the long cloth of their garments rustling with their movement.

Luo Binghe had truly embraced his own profound ideas, somehow finding two groom outfits at once. He then coaxed and pestered Shen Qingqiu to put on the outfit and once more carry out the ceremony, doing the ritual kneeling, drinking the cross-cup wine, setting up a nuptial chamber; he prepared as complete of a ceremony as possible. Shen Qingqiu thought to himself, even if they put on the clothes now, they would take them off right away. It was funny as hell, but he still let him do as he pleased.

He had really not expected Luo Binghe to be the traditional type, unexpectedly longing for marriage. It honestly made him want to laugh, but also made him feel a tender sort of love towards him. He couldn’t help treating this earnestly too.

Luo Binghe had his wedding garments only half on, his eyes fixed on Shen Qingqiu. Shen Qingqiu asked, “Luo Binghe? What is it?”

Luo Binghe answered honestly, “Shizun, you look really good in red.”

Shen Qingqiu’s skin was fair. When he wore the red wedding garments, it would faintly reflect their color. The way he looked contrasted greatly to how he usually did, making him somewhat dazzling to the eyes. Luo Binghe’s eyes also looked even more infatuated than usual, making Shen Qingqiu a bit dumbfounded. He coughed; even though Luo Binghe had said it so resolutely, he still found it rather embarrassing.

In an aloof tone, he said, “You also look… very good in red.”

He didn’t simply look good. Shen Qingqiu didn’t believe there was any girl who could look at such a pretty groom without weeping and begging to be his bride. He still wanted to compliment him a bit more, but he suddenly saw Luo Binghe bring out a folded snow-white silk sheet, devoutly lying it over the bed.

“…” Shen Qingqiu had a premonition, it raged like a storm in his heart. He asked, “What are you doing?”

Luo Binghe blushed, but still said, “This disciple heard that when newlyweds leave for the nuptial chamber in the evening they all follow this custom…”

Shen Qingqiu couldn’t even wait for him to finish speaking, immediately standing up with goosebumps all over his body.

Other traditions were all well and good, but to spring out this one custom on him was really too damn weird!

Luo Binghe hurriedly said, “Shizun, this disciple swears he won’t actually make you shed blood!” he continued with a red face, “I wish to be as much like a real married couple as possible, to follow every step in the ceremony right…”

Shen Qingqiu’s face was red with shame, “This is an unnecessary formality you can just forget.” He had already resolutely grabbed the spread out white sheet to throw it out when he caught sight of Luo Binghe’s teary eyes.

The most unbearable thing to him was this look Luo Binghe gave him; regardless of his intentions, his hand immediately lowered. After a while, he couldn’t help but squeeze out a few words.

“But according to what you said, even if it’s laid out it won’t serve any use…”

Luo Binghe let out his grievances, “But if it’s missing such an important part, will the wedding night still count?”

“…” Shen Qingqiu said, “Alright, alright. If you must have it, then have it.”

Luo Binghe immediately embraced him, burying his head on his shoulder. He crooned, “Shizun, you are so good to your disciple.”

Shen Qingqiu forced himself to remain calm, “Not really…”

As they talked, he felt a hand inching closer to an inappropriate place.

Soon Luo Binghe had divested Shen Qingqiu of all his clothing, leaving behind only his snow-white socks.

Although the pair of master and disciple had already done this countless times, Shen Qingqiu was the sort that no matter how many times he had done it still felt some embarrassment that couldn’t be overcome. Seeing Luo Binghe drawing closer, Shen Qingqiu felt a small wave of nervousness. He tilted his head to the side, closing his eyes. He felt a pair of hands stroke up the inside of his thighs, attempting to push them apart. They lightly resisted at first, but a moment later they willingly parted.

A finger touched his lips as Luo Binghe called in a soft voice, “Shizun…”

Shen Qingqiu parted his lips slightly, letting Luo Binghe push his finger inside before softly licking it. Since his eyes remained closed, the feeling of the slender finger inside the warmth of his mouth, teasingly playing with his soft tongue, was more strikingly clear. One finger was not enough; a short while later a second one squeezed in. Luo Binghe’s eyes glittered as he watched Shen Qingqiu trying hard to suck the two fingers deeper inside, licking them wet. He pulled his fingers out, guiding them lower on Shen Qingqiu’s body.

After being carefully tended to, the pale-colored hole in the valley between Shen Qingqiu’s legs, which had been tightly closed before, was now sleek and wet, looking very soft. Luo Binghe covered him with his body, careful to not put his weight on him. Shen Qingqiu felt the heat of the warm rounded head press against the most intimate part of his body. Only the tip of that ferocious thing was inside him, but he could already feel the pulsing in its veins.

Luo Binghe’s voice deepened, “Shizun… I’m coming in.”

Shen Qingqiu had kept his eyes closed from the beginning up to now. He gave a small nod. Luo Binghe grasped his waist with both hands, before pushing inside.

Shen Qingqiu couldn’t stop a pained groan from escaping his throat. He raised his hands, grasping onto the arms holding his waist.

Even though he had been mentally prepared and had tried to relax his body as much as possible, what didn’t fit just wouldn’t fit. Only half of Luo Binghe’s member was inside, but it was already stuck.

The insides were warm and supple, but the ring at the entrance had been pushed to its limits and wouldn’t cooperate, stopping him from going any further in. Luo Binghe raised his hand to cover Shen Qingqiu’s erect member, toying with it gently. As his member was tended to, Shen Qingqiu began to relax. Luo Binghe felt him loosen slightly around him, giving him enough room to push forward.

The feeling of being split open all the way was extremely hard to bear; Shen Qingqiu couldn’t stop himself from arching his back, unwittingly pushing the two pale dots on his chest on Luo Binghe’s face. Luo Bingh lifted one hand, rubbing his nipple.

As a man, Shen Qingqiu really didn’t like having that place toyed with, since it filled his heart with a strange shameful feeling. He was going to push away Luo Binghe’s hand with his own trembling one, but before that Luo Binghe lowered his head over him. From the right side of his chest came a wet sound, followed by a strange ache. Shen Qingqiu’s face instantly flushed beet red, and he hastily shoved Luo Binghe away. Taking advantage of his flustered state, which momentarily distracted him, Luo Binghe sank in abruptly, burying himself fully inside him.

Shen Qingqiu felt as if his whole body had been split in half by a sword when he felt the explosive pain coming from his private bits.

This pain was due to Luo Binghe’s excessively huge pillar, which, as it drove all the way in, to the very point of bursting, made him feel like an entire arm had been stuffed inside, with the mammoth-sized plump head feeling like a whole fist; he wished he’d just pass out. But Luo Binghe skillfully rubbed against that certain spot inside Shen Qingqiu, soon his cries of pain changed tones. Luo Binghe held his waist, ruthlessly ramming into that special spot; after bumping into it a few times, his hole finally softened along with his tense muscles.

Soon after, Shen Qingqiu’s hole, now pliable, became very lovable. The tunnel was deep and warm, filled with a wet heat; it could be driven straight in, having no strength to resist. When Luo Binghe lowered his head, he had a full view of Shen Qingqiu’s lower body. His thighs were parted, and his two long and smooth legs were bent towards his chest. His feet were still neatly covered in the snow-white stockings that hadn’t been discarded.

The sight made him even more excited.

Shen Qingqiu clung to the bed sheets with both hands, his teeth gritted as he felt Luo Binghe’s dick bump with every thrust against the inside of his belly; he feared that his innards would be displaced each time. Still, there was no other way, all he could do was wrap his legs around the other’s waist and adjust his pace, relaxing and tightening, following Luo Binghe’s pace. He felt a burning tearing ache in the tender flesh inside him, and had to say, “ … Binghe, slower…”

He was certain he had bled.

Luo Binghe looked down and froze. A thread of blood ran down from where they were both intertwined, staining the snow-white cloth; it spread into a brightly colored halo, like a fallen peach blossom petal.

It was a while before Luo Binghe mumbled out, “ I’m sorry, Shizun… I swore I wouldn’t make you shed blood, yet I still…”

Shen Qingqiu was sure he was half fucking dead, he didn’t even have the strength to sit up and look down at that scene. In any case, he didn’t need to look at it to know it was terrifying. He was about to fall apart; Luo Binghe’s mouth was up there apologizing nonstop, while down there his body kept moving without slowing down at all. Shen Qingqiu was bumped up and down by him, his ass both aching and numb, “Don’t… Don’t…”

Luo Binghe asked, “Don’t?”

“Don’t call me Shizun…”

His ass had already been split, and that guy was still crying out “Shizun”! It really made him feel like he put a little too much heart into his profession!

Luo Binghe asked, “If I can’t call you Shizun, what should I call you?”

Shen Qingqiu lamented, “… Call whatever… Call whatever…Just slow down, ah, ah, ah… Binghe, slow…”

Luo Binghe still held his waist, burying himself to the hilt time and again. He gasped out, “Alright, then… Shizun, if you change how you call me, I’ll slow down!”

Shen Qingqiu, who felt that gigantic thing invading deep into his body as he was held by the other, asked right away, “What do… I call… you?”

Luo Binghe paused, still embracing him, and said very reticently and bashfully, “W-we are newlyweds tonight, Shizun, that is, what should you call me…”

“……”

H – E – L – P !

Shen Qingqiu shook his head fiercely. He shook it frantically.

Luo Binghe was still happily looking forward to it, “Shizun, could you call me that once?”

Shen Qingqiu’s jaw was closed tight; the corner of his eye was teary but he still refused to open his mouth. Seeing him with this expression of someone who would resist until the very end, it wasn’t a second before a pool of tears burst into Luo Binghe’s eyes.

He spoke in a disheartened voice, “Shizun, we have already come this far, yet you… why are you still not willing to…”

He sounded so terribly sad. Shen Qingqiu told himself he would absolutely not fall for this again, but Luo Binghe’s tears were truly magical, they would always show up and started pouring down as soon as they were summoned.

Luo Binghe said, “Just one time. Shizun, if you are averse to it, just do it one time. I will remember this time and won’t press you to say it again. Is this still no good?”

Shen Qingqiu’s face was burned by Luo Binghe’s tears while his lower body was repeatedly hammered. It was an unbearable situation.

You’re acting like this. How can I refuse?

In the end, Sheng Qingqiu decided to give in just this once.

But never again, absolutely not!

With some difficulty, he took a deep breath and whispered in a voice that could barely be heard, “…Husband…”

Luo Binghe’s eyes lit up. “Shizun, what did you say?”

Shen Qingqiu said: “Hus…”

The second half of the word was too soft to be heard. He secretly swallowed the sound and corrected himself, pleading, “Binghe, you… slow down, all right?”

But was there any way that Luo Binghe would really let it go? “Shizun, please say it louder. I, I, I didn’t hear you clearly!”

Luo Binghe was extremely aroused by this and started pounding even more powerfully until Shen Qingqiu felt that his insides6 were in danger.7 After a few fierce thrusts, Shen Qingqiu finally surrendered.

Shen Qingqiu weakly grabbed Luo Binghe’s hair and choked out, “Waa, waa8… ahh… ahh…husband, husband, please stop. I can’t bear it… I really can’t bear it…”

Without waiting for Shen Qingqiu to stop crying, Luo Binghe picked Shen Qingqiu up and placed him on his lap, impaling his shaft into him as deep as it could go. Luo Binghe had one hand on Shen Qingqiu’s waist and the other on his bottom as he moved his body up and down, ecstatically saying, “Wife…”

…Ah… please… spare me!9

When he heard Luo Binghe address him like that, Shen Qingqiu was so embarrassed that his whole body went stiff and his insides tightened. He said, in a voice that indicated he was at the end of his tether, “****! Shut up!… Stop… stop spouting nonsense!”

Luo Binghe paid no attention to his words as he continued to jackhammer Shen Qingiu while embracing him and whispering, “Shizun, you’re so wonderful… I’ve always wanted you to call me that. Can you call me that a few more times?”

Something hot flowed down the back of Shen Qingqiu’s neck and he didn’t need to look to know that Luo Binghe was crying again.

There was nothing Shen Qingqiu could do.

Their limbs were all tangled together and their bodies were slick with sweat. Luo Binghe’s waist and back were too slippery, making Shen Qingqiu’s legs slide down, unable to find purchase. He circled Luo Binghe’s neck with his arms tightly until their bodies were closer, raining passionate kisses on Luo Binghe to encourage him.

Having acquired Shen Qingqiu’s cooperation, Luo Binghe was like a little child who got candy. His eyes lit up and he was so happy that he started thrusting harder and faster. His hard member with its umbrella-shaped tip kept on grinding on Shen Qingqiu’s tortured inner walls until he finally surrendered. Shen Qingqiu stopped gritting his teeth and screamed out in both pain and pleasure.

Luo Binghe was overjoyed when he heard that sound. He liked all the sounds Shen Qingqiu made. Before Shen Qingqiu lost consciousness, he heard Luo Binghe whisper in his ear, “Shizun… call me that again…”

The next morning when Shen Qingqiu woke up, his first thought was that he was so embarrassed that he wanted to strangle that short-haired monster that he had carefully raised10 at Qing Jing Peak.

An entire life’s worth of dignity had been thrown away last night.

He had never been in a situation where he had lost so much face!

Luo Binghe was lying beside him on the bed, full of energy and enthusiasm. As soon as he realized that Shen Qingqiu was awake, he took the opportunity to kiss him. Shen Qingqiu suspected that he had not slept at all but had spent the night staring at him. Pretending to sleep was useless. He wanted to speak but his voice was very hoarse and he was only able to croak out some unintelligible syllables.

Luo Binghe kissed him, looking satisfied, and said, “Shizun, please rest. I’ll go and make breakfast for you.”

He was about to get up to get dressed when Shen Qingqiu mumbled something he couldn’t understand. Luo Binghe said, “What was that?”

Shen Qingqiu’s face was already very red at this time, and when Luo Binghe asked this question, he flushed an even deeper red and he mumbled, “…No, it’s nothing.”

Luo Binghe wanted to pursue this matter further but forced himself to hold back. He said, “I’ll make breakfast.”

He carefully covered Shen Qingqiu with a thin quilt then turned to get off the bed. Picking up the clothes on the floor, he slowly put them on.

Shen Qingqiu sat on the bed, wearing the clothes he had put on himself, staring at the tall and good-looking figure whose back was turned to him. After a while, it was as though a mad impulse seized him11 and he whispered, “…Husband?”

Luo Binghe froze.

As if his entire body was pinned to the ground, he turned around extremely slowly and said, “Shizun, what did you just call me?”

Shen Qingqiu was at a loss for words.

“Ah!”

He wanted to explain but what could he say? “Ah, this, this master… er… I, um…”

It was his own fault for triggering a flag12 by thinking to himself that he had never been in a situation where he had lost so much face before. Now he was experiencing an even more embarrassing situation where he was losing even more face!

Right now, he wasn’t being forced to speak by being f***ed silly by Luo Binghe, nor was he giving in to Luo Binghe’s tears. Those excuses wouldn’t work. In other words, he suddenly just, for some reason, wanted to call out to him that way.

However, after calling out to Luo Binghe like that, Shen Qingqiu was so embarrassed that he wanted to dig a hole in the ground to hide himself in or kill himself by dashing his head against a block of tofu13.

In the end, Shen Qingqiu gave up on the explanation and lay back down, admitting defeat. He forced his voice to sound casual as he said, “This master is hungry.”

Luo Binghe smiled and lay down beside him, saying, “Shizun, I’m hungry, too.”

“If you’re hungry, then go cook…”

It’s probably okay to have breakfast a little later in the day every now and then.

Note:

1. These are sweets that are specially handed out at celebrations, traditionally weddings. (喜糖)

2. 马文男主 – stallion as in the stallion genre (where the MC gets all jade beauties)

3. 菊苣的尿性 – juju de suixing. This is a slang term that means “outstanding/exceptional great god.” Here it has been translated into the nearest Western internet slang term.

4. Luo Binghe uses three different expressions for the English “will you marry me”. He first asks Shen Qingqiu to ”marry into his family”, which is the standard expression a man would use (since it was typical for a woman to join the man’s household. At the end of the wedding, as seen early in this chapter, she joins the groom’s house.) He then uses the 6. expression a woman might use, “I will marry into your family” where he would marry into Shen Qingqiu’s family instead. Finally, he says “are you willing to become a family with me?”

Traditional Chinese measure of time where one shichen equals two hours.

5. 五脏六腑 – five viscera and six bowels (traditional Chinese Medicine term, basically means his innards)

6. 翻江倒海 – lit. overturning seas and rivers, in this context something like “turned into a spectacular mess”

7. 呜呜 – a crying sound

8. 饶命 – lit. spare me. Um, the translation requires interpretation. It could be something literal like “omg have mercy on my poor little *ss” but I think more of an interjection like 9. “you’ve got to be kidding me!” I debated translating this as just “oh, f**k me!”

10. Non-literally translated. This sentence is humorous in a way that’s hard to translate literally. There is a literal short-haired monster at the Peak but I think he is referring to a certain demon lord here. Original: 就是想一头撞死在清净峰那头发育情况极为良好的短毛怪的身上. Please let me know if you have suggestions on how to translate this better.

11. 鬼迷心窍[guǐ mí xīn qiào] – be possessed by ghosts; be obsessed with; be corrupted by; be under an obsession of

1. In video games, an event flag is a condition in game programming that causes a variable to change. For example, saving a child could trigger an event where the child’s mother gives you a sidequest. However, most of the time “triggering a flag” is just a joke about tempting fate by saying things like “at least it’s not raining” and it immediately starts raining.

13. In dramas and literature, one of the most dramatic ways to commit suicide is by crashing one’s head against a pillar or wall. This is a comedic version of that since, well, tofu is very soft and hitting your head on it won’t injure you.

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