There is no Epic Loot here, Only Puns.

Without a bridge, the group had to decide whether to backtrack to where the river was narrower. Vas had suggested tearing down one of the trees to make their own bridge but both Kemy and Deo refused.

“That’s just rude!” Kemy gasped.

“THE TREES DIDN’T HURT ANYONE!” Deo frowned.

Poppy just pointed to the overhanging branches.

“Then we can just swing on the vines, nyeh,” she muttered. Everyone followed her finger to the thin green vines dangling above the river. Without the bridge, the gap really did seem huge, but one by one, everyone began to grin.

Except Kemy.

“In other Dungeons… they’d be snakes, trap chains, curling vine grabbers, too flimsy-” she listed quickly with her hands waving in panic. She brushed down her cloudy robe where her legs were just visible.

“Delta wouldn’t do that. She’d have it if you swing the vines in a certain way, they produce a musical note then a song and it rains rainbows or something,” Amenster snorted. Grim grumbled. He swept his gaze out into the jungle.

“Or summon mimes,” he gritted out.

“NO TIME TO WASTE! ADVENTURE FORTH!” Deo proclaimed and began to scramble up a tree like some crab monkey. Kemy’s nervousness grew, but before she could do much, a vine lowered within reach of her.

She blinked and saw no one else had gotten this reaction.

“We respect people and their modesty in this Dungeon,” Devina said calmly as she came to help Kemy tie the vine around her arm in a tight knot.

“O-oh,” Kemy stuttered, going pink as the vine began to carry her across as if she were no heavier than the cloud her robe suggested. She touched down as the the rest of the group grabbed their own vines and were crossing the space.

“WAHOO!”

“For glory!”

“Thank you for the ride, jungle vine.”

“I’m too edgy to enjoy this more than a little.”

“Excited noises, nyeh.”

Kemy covered her mouth as a smile burst forth. This group was simply too bizarre to be real at times.

---

Delta raised her hands high in the air.

“IT LIVES!” she howled into the abyss of between floors. Nu was behind her.

What have we become?

Delta gave him a hard look.

“Hard Dungeons making hard choices! We need this evil to protect those we love!” she reminded as the monster in front of them rose.

The beast was about a foot in height. The mushroom cap looked soft and pink with four little stubby legs that made it snuffle about with a large pig snout at the front. It sniffed then a little mouth with twin buck teeth opened under the snout to eat a random experimental herb.

Delta felt… just a little… that the thing wasn’t exactly… ‘terrifying’ in conventional views.

But its menu description would breed terror into all people!

Pigglecap: A harmless mobile mushroom that wanders about consuming any discarded trash or items. When fed directly by someone, it oinks a song of thanks. This is a critter.

How do you go out to make something dangerous and do the complete opposite?!

Nu’s box jingled in disbelief and Delta sagged in failure.

“I don’t know! I thought Mushroom and Pigs would give me… screaming green spore bois or something,” she admitted. Then she perked up.

“I didn’t check its upgrades!” she said excitedly and brought the menu up quickly.

Pigglecap: Critter

Give it rosy cheeks. 1 DP

Add a curly tail. 1 DP

Make it toot after eating too much. Sounds cute. 1 DP

Make it ticklish. 1 DP

Actually, this is turning out to be quite funny. Make something else.

Delta glared at Nu with a scrunched up expression.

“I’m a dangerous Dungeon!” she warned before she purchased all the upgrades and the Pigglecap grew even cuter. Delta had to admit she kinda loved it.

Nu brought up the crossbreeding aspect and pre-selected ‘Blood Curdler’.

Now, if my experience is correct, you just need to hit that big shiny button that is labelled ‘random’ and we should have a dangerous weapon.

“It’s the undead, they don’t have blood,” Delta reminded and changed it to ‘Starlight’. Her finger hovered over the random button but then she withdrew it. Gacha was a bad habit, but in this case? When she was told to push it?

Delta didn’t want to.

For the love of- I’ll do it!

Nu clicked the button and the second parent panel began to spin. Delta stared as it came to a slow stop.

Nu was speechless. Delta was too…

The image showed the Pigglecap.

A menu appeared to show the creation was already done.

A second similar Pigglecap burst from the Secret Grove’s soil and began to sniff about. Delta stared as this one was slightly more red than pink. She brought up the menu for the the new creature.

Blackhole Hog: Unique Single Critter.

This creature stores all items consumed in a pocket space inside its stomach. When enough mass has been crushed together, it releases it in a cosmic bang! Estimated time until the stomach reaches full capacity: 999+ years.

Delta opened her mouth but before she could say anything Nu’s screen flashed and the little piggy was reduced to dust with a surprised ‘oink’.

Best to do that before you get attached and give it character development.

The screen explained and Delta sighed, she was relieved that the ticking pig bomb was no longer an issue, despite how cute it was. She glanced at the upgrade menu for it, to see if it could be made safe.

Most were the same or had the same idea.

Reduce the needed time for Big Bang by 1000 years! 5000 DP.

Delta shivered and put a giant bee along with a symbol of holy water. She could mix items in, but she had so much junk the menu would take days to fully navigate. She cranked the lever.

The room groaned before the new mushroom appeared.

The mushroom grew on a tree in a weird hexagon pattern that gleamed silver. Delta prodded them with her power to cause them to do something. All five of the hexagons flashed and the surfaces rocketed forward with a spray of steam and heat. The stingers hidden underneath flew forward with the silver heads attached. When they smashed into a wall, they exploded in a steaming mist of holy water.

“Holy Stinger Missiles,” Delta said simply.

Stinge-

Nu cut himself off with a visible groan that shook his screen.

A bee joke. Really?

“I thought it was funny when I made them…” Delta mumbled. Nu looked ready to rant when he cut himself off and then slowly began to speak.

Delta… what other funny joke combinations spring to your mind?

Delta put her hands to her chin.

“I thought of a few, but I’m trying to be serious here, so I didn’t go for them. The Stingers were just to make me feel better,” she confessed.

The screen of her friend leaned in and said something that scared Delta.

I want to see your jokes. The punnier, the better.

Truly, the Dungeon had gone mad.

Delta nervously began to select the next combination.

---

The sight before them was beautiful. Large colourful pools of honey that smelled spicy, sweet, fresh, and inviting. Swarms of bees moved with purpose around the large stone pillars that seemed to tower like giants over the group. Kemy felt like she had stumbled into some untouched paradise as honey flowed like waterfalls into smaller pools causing new flavours and scents to rise up. From several stone pillars the honey ran slowly down from some unseen plumbing that kept the honey from congealing in their pools.

The buzz of the swarm was in a tempo of high notes then low trills followed by cheerful calls. Several workers brought in fruits and flowers that were delivered to the tallest tower of them all. This tower was decorated in solid honey gem stones and had the purest golden honey flowing from it.

From this tower, the biggest bee Kemy had ever seen landed before them. The bee was bigger than a person and its stinger could have been a curved sword.

It buzzed a few times and waited.

Everyone shared a look… except Grim.

“Adventurers, we’re here to explore… maybe get a key,” he said bored. Kemy turned to him in surprise.

“You can understand Bee speech?!” she asked in awe.

“He’s being pretty clear. Everything talks in this Dungeon! Frogs can speak, birds can speak, why can’t bees speak?” he replied defensively. The bee buzzed and Grim nodded slowly.

“He said his name is Buzz…buzzy-buzz, and he can get the Queen. We can take one of the rock cups and enjoy a free honey sampling while we wait,” Grim continued to translate. Deo’s eyes sparkled.

“WHAT’S HIS NAME!” he pointed to a random bee passing. The big bee buzzed.

“Bzzt-Buzzybee,” Grim said, already frowning. Deo pointed to another one.

“Buzzing Buzzbzt.”

Another.

“Lord Buzzington? Yeah, I heard that right…”

Deo lowered his finger.

“GRIM HAS THE COOLEST POWER…” he said with deepest envy. Kemy had to admit… She wished she could talk to giant murderous-looking bees who offered complimentary honey drinks. The bee took off and the rock cups looked carved for people with much bigger hands.

Still, Kemy went over to the soft blue honey pool and a bee took the cup to fill it for her as she failed to roll her sleeves up. He buzzed kindly and Kemy bowed back.

She tried the honey with a long sip and… things… were just fine. She stared at her hand and wiggled her fingers.

She had meaty thing grabbers! How had she never realised this?! The bees around seemed to eye her before they gently buzzed her over to a purple pool. Bees… they were so fluffy! She hugged one and it was fluffy. It seemed to accept the motion and Kemy was in heaven.

Bees were just big poofy dogs with ouchie butts!

“What’s wrong with her?” Poppy asked calmly as she finished her red honey sample. Kemy giggled as Poppy’s ears began to leak steam.

“I am communing with the ouchie butts and their fluff…” she whispered and Poppy winced at the volume.

“This honey is mostly untested on human consumption,” Devina the guide appeared as if conjured. She eyed Kemy with amusement before gesturing to the purple honey.

“This is detox honey. It will mostly cure anything in this jungle that bites, pinches, or stings,” she explained. Kemy giggled and fell face first into the pool.

She emerged a second later gasping and spluttering.

“I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin the honey,” she cried and Devina scooped her out as a second giant frog burst into the clearing. His crimson shorts and buff physique made Kemy stare.

“I sensed drowning people!” he panted. Devina at her side stiffened and then casually turned her face blank.

“Ah, Rale… do you always come running when people fall into less than solid matter?” Devina asked casually. Kemy suddenly felt a bit nervous, but she had no idea why. Rale, the male frog, puffed his impressive chest out.

“Always!” he promised. Devina just smiled at that but that was when the swarm stopped.

The buzzing that had become so easily background music abruptly stopped. The sudden silence was jarring and Kemy stumbled again. The entire swarm of bees had all landed and gone still.

From the biggest tower, a bee emerged. Not the biggest or the most dangerous looking, but this bee had something no other had.

There was power to her. She oozed it like a perfume, owned it like a possession, and used it like an accessory. This bee had more curves to her than most and her posture had the sway to it of someone who moved elegantly, in air or land. Then there was the ornate crown she wore.

“Welcome.” The voice that emerged was not a harsh buzz or a garbled mix, but a breathy soft song. The Queen could speak and she seemed eager to show it.

“I am the Queen, the mother, the guiding hand… I am Queen Elizabuzz, the First of her name. Royal Daughter of Delta the Mother. Guezzts of my mother… you may also call me Queen Lizzzie,” she pronounced, some of her words betraying her natural tone of sensual buzzing.

Deo waved.

“HELLO! YOU HAVE A VERY NICE CROWN!” he announced. The bee swarm seemed to grow even stiller and the Queen touched one leg to the crown in question. She seemed to take a moment to respond.

“You have a nice soul. Pure as my honey,” she complimented back before she stretched her arms out.

“Today, we begin the challenge that is our duty! We are not swarmz and Queen! We are Key Keeper and challenge. Before uzzz is the first group of challengerz. Today… is our day,” she called to her children before all the pools of honey began to drain.

A rumbling in the earth made Kemy stumble again and the biggest stone pillar, the Queen’s tower, began to gush in all directions and sides, the many hues of honey that caused the rock to glow in the light. At the very top, a single golden honey gem became transparent.

Inside was the faint shadow of a key.

The group all stared as the Queen lifted into the air.

“Honey of help or hindrance. Rocks of strength or trap… reach the top and earn my favour,” the Queen said and the swarm all buzzed as one. Then, the swarm took to the air before they began to fly in a circle around the stone pillar, obscuring the top and making any direct path with flight or some conjuring spell that would simply yanked the key to them impossible.

“Don’t lick the blue stuff. It makes you high,” Kemy said in a whisper.

“Also avoid the green,” Amenster added. Everyone looked at him as he stared at the sky.

“What does it do?” Kemy asked with a feeling of dread in her stomach. Amenster blinked.

“Nothing. It just tastes of old sock,” he explained.

“HAH, I WASH ALL MY SOCKS SO I DON’T FEAR THAT!” Deo grinned and took off for the tower.

“His logic is backwards, but he’s got a good heart,” Devina said bemused.

Kemy could say the same about this Dungeon.

---

“And I thought of this one which made me giggle,” Delta said happily as she chose one of her bats from the gargoyle spawn and one of her guardgoyles. The result grew on the stone wall of the room and loomed like a tiny ledge.

Delta activated it and the thing detached from the wall and landed with enough force to half-bury itself in the soil. Then it turned soft and spongy before it flapped with wings back to the stone wall, becoming rock hard once more.

“We can put them in the jungle and be home for bats as well so they can be the night!” Delta beamed.

Nu looked at the sheer chaos in the room as mushrooms of all shapes and sizes roamed, exploded, stabbed, melted, consumed, combined, and he twitched.

“Nu?”

I’m repressing.

“This was your idea!”

He twitched again.

I’m also repressing the blame.

---

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