Tunnel Rat

Saved from sudden death at the claws of some rat monster, TheBlueBishop got to his feet and dusted himself off. Behind him was a crater with the bodies of three of his compatriots. All were beyond healing, and he wasn't going to waste his mana resurrecting anyone unless Branigan asked him to. He wondered what spell had been cast, and why it was suddenly so quiet. He had a headache. The garishly clad bishop had just lost most of his hearing, so he could be excused from not hearing the screams of injured players asking for his help. His perception of 0 had something to do with that as well. Every player had a few dump stats and BB hadn't worried about anything except healing and magical smites.

He saw that at the back of the raid, reinforcements had arrived. He hadn't known Branigan had found a dwarven artillery company to join the raid! This was outstanding! They had a brass cannon that they were reloading, and a big green guy was setting down kegs of beer. He waved to them and gave a thumbs-up! That's the type of people he wanted to raid with. Absentmindedly, he glanced at the deafened, disoriented, and concussion debuffs on his screen, not able to remember what they meant.

Barnacle was loading the next shell so Narwhale could blow up some more humans when she noticed one in a blue costume waving at them and giving them a sign of approval. "He likes your shooting, Nar."

"Yep, and my opinion on humans just went up. Anyone who can appreciate fine artillery like my shiny cannon while I'm shooting at them is OK in my book." She waved back. "Load up some napalm, Barnacle. I want to make them do the Burney Dance."

Sledgemonkey and Two-Screws shared a look and got ready to begin shooting. They'd agreed to give Narwhale the first shots, but if she was using napalm shells, there might not be much left to shoot at soon. Sledgemonkey pointed to a spot on the left of them. "Let's walk over that way, get a better angle for some enfilading fire. That way the rivets don't have a chance of hitting our new allies."

Two-Screws liked the idea. "When you're giving the gift of high-velocity death, it's always nice to send it along a couple of different angles."

"Fire in the Hole!" An explosive missile shot from the cannon and screamed across the short distance, hitting the ground in the middle of the raid. Any player in the area of effect took a small bit of concussion damage and was set on fire. The two fire mages took advantage of the heat and flames to supercharge the Bouncing Betty Fireballs they were lobbing into the middle of the ratkin army. Every other mage and the healer screamed as their health started plummeting. Philomea, a nature mage, tried to summon a Rain Cloud but the area was suffused with so much Death and Storm mana that what showed up was an Angry Thunderhead that immediately started raining down lightening bolts on both sides of the conflict.

Two-Screws and Sledgemonkey started strafing the raid with high-velocity rivets. They began with Narwhale's friendly human who was currently running in circles while he burned merrily. Two-Screws shot low then moved higher, peppering the cleric with shots. Sledgemonkey was shooting an archer ten feet away.

Two-Screws smiled. "I can't help but notice your sights might be off. Looks like your shooting high and to the right."

"And I thank you for the compliments. It's rare that a dwarf as old as you can remember how to say a kind word. I'll also point out the 'easy adjustment auto-calibration' system that I invented for my gun. It saves on embarrassing events like how you keep missing."

Sledgemonkey snarled. "I like to sight in a gun the old-fashioned way! But maybe I'll look over your little system tomorrow. Might be I can improve on your shoddy work."

"I'll further point out that you could have done this during target practice." The humans were thinning out. Narwhale had put three more high explosive rounds into them. Wounded players were strewn all over, and gravestones were appearing. The ratkin shield wall was nervous, but still holding together. They began taking careful steps backward. Players were confused by the outflanking ambush. The raid had lost several archers and mages to ravening monsters the rats had unleashed on them, followed immediately by cannon fire from the rear, and what some of the players were insisting was machine gun fire that had them in a crossfire.

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A brave group of players had tried to attack the dwarves, but the charge had failed when Boom-Boom put two grenades right in front of the three players trying to get to them. Thirty seconds later the ten remaining players in the raid raced for safety, trying to overrun the artillery and flee into the tunnels. The ratkin started to follow but were held back by shouted orders. They reformed their lines, put out the fires, and saw to their wounded. Rosie and Buttercup were consoled by their tender and given some sweets and a dose of Sleepycheese to calm them down.

Barracuda was trying to get another shell into the cannon, but there wasn't going to be time for a shot, the players were too close to them. Likewise, Two-Screws and Sledgemonkey were worried about unleashing rivet gun blasts. Two-Screws went to single fire and took down two players. Sledgemonkey ruefully worked on his 'calibrations' and kept watch for anything moving towards them.

Boom-Boom and Vary stepped in front of the two scavengers. Vary was nearly pissing himself as he pulled the cord to arm the cataclysmite bomb that Boom-Boom casually called 'a grenade'. His throw was a little long, not doing as much damage, but did knock down most of the players as the shockwave from behind hit them. Boom-Boom's bomb hit dead center, killing two players, and wounding all the others. He pulled out his spanner-axe and started swinging. Vary and Harry followed. The troll stepped on players and picked up one to throw across the cavern. That ended the fighting. The raid had experienced a TPK, except for Tequila Jane who had found a small crevice to take a nap in and passed out.

The dwarves regrouped. Boom-Boom looked at the still surviving ratkin who were still on high alert. "What now?"

Sledgemonkey started pouring beer. "Now we take a break to bind any wounds and soothe our nerves with medicinal alcohol. I expect that a lot of people are wondering what's going on. Those folk over there look nervous, so let’s sit here until Milo or someone comes to talk to us. Hard to believe he isn't here yet, with all the fireworks we set off.

Wagonmaster Seffy approached Brutus. The guard was smiling and waving. Neither he nor anyone else in Limburger Hollow had come to their aid when they were attacked by a roving band of humans. How the heavily armed dwarves fit into the puzzle, no one knew, but the quick way they had destroyed the raiding humans was greatly appreciated. But they were now blocking the caravan’s path of retreat as they polished their guns and drank beer. General Gangrene was still being stitched up and sucking down healing potions, so it was left to Seffy to approach the Hollow and ask for aid.

Brutus waved again and smiled. "Nice day, isn't it? Would be better if we had some Batacos, but still a nice day. We'll have batacos tomorrow. Lots of smoke up at the top of the cave. Nice of you to start a fire. The whelps can pick them up off the ground later, easy peasy."

"Oh, and Welcome to Limburger Hollow. Almost forgot to say that."

Seffy had talked with Brutus before and visited the Hollow twice to look around and spy things out. Something wasn't right. "Yes. It is a nice day. We have many wounded from that battle. The Master Merchant requests aid and that you allow us to move inside the Hollow. There are dangerous humans and dwarves with fearsome weapons in the outer caves, and we could be attacked again at any moment."

Brutus smiled. "Sorry, that's just a wee bit above my pay grade. I just guard the tunnel. You have a nice day now."

"May I enter the Hollow?"

"Nope. I'm Brutus, the guard. Guards keep people out."

"I insist you let me pass!"

Brutus looked confused for a second, his eyes glazing over. He started to move aside and then his back stiffened and he stood his ground. "No can-do little fella. You aren't the boss of me. I'm not letting you in unless the boss says so!"

Seffy had seen this type of behavior before, of course. It was how all of Wurchwitz Hollow's minions behaved. The Slavecheese was having an effect already, but not enough. The new Cheese Master needed to give large guards extra cheese! Didn't he know that? The guard wasn't responding to his Commanding Voice skill. He skulked back to inform General Gangrene of the problem. Brutus waved happily to him as he went. "You have a nice day now. And come back tomorrow for batacos!"

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